Translated and adapted by Taylor Richardson from the original article, “Como encarar o desafio da vida a dois” by Suely Buriasco
It’s possible that people still get their idea of marriage from fairy tales; with princes and princesses and enchanted castles. But, after time reality sets in and we realize that it isn’t that way at all.
The fact is, once you are past the point of enchantment in your marriage, and out of the "dungeon of your castle" called natural difficulties that come up in every relationship, we realize new couples need to be better prepared for it. Unfortunately, many marriages end in stalemates that could have been saved if there was a little more maturity and insight on the challenges of life. Here are some common ones:
1. This isn’t what I dreamed it would be
In married life, everything isn’t perfect, but it isn’t all horrible, either. Marriage is a union of two people with two distinct personalities that have chosen to live their lives together. It isn’t a dream, but reality. But this reality comes from a loving choice. If the couple keeps the reason for their marriage clear, it will help them stay together as they pass through the trials of life.
2. My spouse isn’t the same anymore
People and situations change over time. When you are married, you need to be aware of those changes in your life, as well as those in the life of your spouse. Perhaps something your spouse liked yesterday he may not like today. The same can go for you, too. Routines can possibly cause problems in the accommodations that you and your spouse make for each other. These things need to be discussed between the two of you in order to keep each other happy.
3. Communication isn’t happening
It’s normal to have a day that doesn’t seem to go well. Financial problems, the children’s education and all other kinds of problems can affect the tranquility of our day and our home. Sadly, it’s normal for communication to fail, but we should do our best to make sure this doesn’t happen, no matter the subject. You and your spouse will grow stronger if you are always communicating. You will typically be much happier and have harmony in your home.
4. We can’t talk
Going on from the last point, many couples may not know how to communicate about the so-called "touchy" subjects without misunderstanding or turning it into a fight. Some will try to avoid these conversations, but this will only make it worse.
There are many things you can do, as a couple, to communicate better. One of these things is to stop complaining. Always try to talk when you are both calm, so the conversation flows naturally and without fighting. Welcome discussions where you hear each other out and know how the other is feeling. Work together on solving problems and keep the peace in your home.
5. I married the whole family
You need to understand that you married not just your spouse but her family, too. Even if you don’t have much contact with your families, all of your customs, habits and even rules came with marriage. You need to work together and talk about your life growing up, your traditions, your rules that you had at home and so on. By doing this, you will overlook the negative things of life, and you will have a happy marriage and a happy family.
When you are married, you need to live together and talk together. In doing so, you will keep the peace in your home and between each other. You will love each other more and you will have a stronger relationship.
Suely is a conflict counselor, an educator and has a MBA in Strategic People Management. She's the host of the program "Deixa Disso," which offers relationships advice. She has also published two books, “Uma fênix em Praga” and, “Mediando Conflitos no Relacionamento a Dois”.