It happens. Life is busy, and you feel like you and your spouse are drifting apart. While raising children, it can feel like that is all you have to talk about. Then, the kids grow up, move out and you’re left looking for topics of conversation that don’t include the water bill. Sometimes, it is just a question of — well — asking the right question and giving the right answer.
It can be scary to open up, especially if it has been a while, but it can also be an exciting adventure. To rediscover the person you married, start out by asking about childhood dreams. What did you want to be when you grew up? Are you there yet or did you veer off-track? Remember those long nights talking when you first started dating? They were filled with conversations of dreams and hopes.
Life is sometimes full of worries about the details
Discuss what life would be like with no time or money constraints. How would you spend your time? What would your priorities become?
To really get a conversation going, try revealing your most embarrassing moment to each other. It should be that one mortifying time in your life when you felt completely exposed and vulnerable.
After you’ve trusted your spouse with your most embarrassing moment, tell each other about the one thing in life of which you are most proud.
Do you know your mate’s favorite fantasy meal? Have a discussion about childhood comfort foods. This conversation could lead to some amazing date nights to fulfill those food fantasies. Even if, it's in your own kitchen making homemade mac and cheese.
Can you look back and remember a turning point that shaped the course of your life? Maybe it was a decision you faced or someone you met. Compare those moments and see if it led you to the same path.
A good way to discover each other, again, is to discuss deeply held spiritual beliefs. Do you know what your spouse believes? Have their insights changed over the years?
We are shaped by the people around us. Share with each other the person you admire most, or your own personal role model. Find out why that person is important. It’s all about learning each other’s stories and histories.
One way to get to know each other is to discover your spouse’s likes and dislikes. Talk about your favorite books, movies and television shows, then talk about the ones you don’t like. Have your tastes become more similar or more dissimilar? Is there a hobby you shared with your partner that he has come to appreciate and love, themselves?
Finally, set a time that is free from distractions
Turn off the phone pick a comfortable spot and share with each other your feelings of love and appreciation. Be specific and give examples of some of the things your partner has done to make your life better. Take your time and speak from your heart.
Getting to know each other, again, is not just an adventure, but a priceless gift.