10 questions to ask before you get married

You’ve finally found it: True Love. You are totally positive that this is the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.

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  • You’ve finally found it: True Love. You are totally positive that this is the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. Before you run off and do something rash you might want to slow down and ask yourself why this particular person is so right for you? Do you have things in common besides both having two lips?

  • It’s easy in the rush of the "head-over-heels" kind of love to throw caution to the wind. However, the following are 10 questions you should consider asking your significant other before the wedding bells ring. These questions are meant to make sure you know exactly what to expect once the wedding is over and the guests go home. The last thing you want is to be stuck staring at the face of a stranger.

  • Where will you live?

  • Is it important to you to live near extended family? Do one or both of you have jobs that will limit where you can move? Then, there is the all-important question of whether to rent or to own your home. You may be surprised by your loved one’s answers.

  • Who will be the primary breadwinner?

  • This means getting down to the nitty gritty of figuring out paycheck amounts and job security. It’s not pretty, but it has to be done.

  • How does your significant other deal with finances?

  • You’ll want to know how much debt the two of you have, and how important it is to you to pay it off. You’ll also want to talk budgets, savings accounts, and credit cards so you know you’re both on the same page.

  • How many kids do you want to have?

  • If you want them at all? If he wants a dozen and you want 1 or 2, you’ll have some differences of opinion to work out. The timing of children is also an important factor to consider.

  • Do you have family traditions that you want to start or continue?

  • One of my parents’ favorite stories is how the first big argument of their marriage was over what kind of lights to put on the Christmas tree. You never know what might be important to a person.

  • What are your religious beliefs?

  • Do they differ? Reconcile any differences the two of you have now so that it doesn’t become a sore spot later in your marriage.

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  • Is one, or both of you still in school?

  • This can have a major impact on when and where you can move, or when you can get married. Find out each other’s long-term education goals.

  • How committed are you to the relationship?

  • This is a big one and the discussion can be very personal. If one of you has the idea of “til death do us part” in mind and the other is thinking “we’ll see how it goes,” you have a serious issue to resolve.

  • What part will extended family play in your relationship?

  • Discuss how close you are to your families and how important it is to maintain close contact with them after the wedding.

  • How will you express love to each other?

  • Some people have had experiences in the past that make it hard for them to be physically close to others. Make sure you each know the other’s expectations.

  • Hard as it is to comprehend now, the "fluffy cloud" you and your loved one are floating around on won’t last forever. Ask these questions so that when the cloud eventually melts away you aren’t left free-falling without a firm relationship foundation on which to stand.

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Katie Nielsen received her bachelor's in English with an emphasis in technical writing. She has taught English and is a published writer.

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