Comforting a loved one is not as simple as picking up “Comforting for Dummies” at the nearest bookstore. The truth is, everyone copes with emotionally stressful situations in a different way. This means everyone needs to be comforted in a different way. That may be discouraging to hear, but figuring out your wife’s comforting needs is not impossible.
Understanding Personality and Coping
Personality in other aspects of life may help you to identify your wife’s comforting needs. If you have been with your wife for long enough, you may recall some situations in which your wife was required to cope with a difficult experience. Many times, a person may cope by shutting down, talking it out or distracting themselves; these are only some of the methods. Unfortunately, most people do not recognize their own methods of coping, so asking you wife how she is best comforted can be out of the question.
With all of the guessing that goes into trying to comfort a loved one, one thought may be very helpful — above all, almost everyone can be comforted by love. This means that an important step in learning to comfort your wife is learning her “love language.”
If you haven’t heard, The 5 Love Languages is a book written by Gary Chapman. It identifies the five ways that individuals can feel most loved. The book even offers a self-assessment to determine your own love language. This test is a great idea to take and share with your wife to discover the way that you can best show love to each other.
In his book, Chapman lists five ways in which people feel loved. First is by words of affirmation. In this case, your wife feels most loved when you tell her you love her. Another language is quality time; when you give your wife your undivided attention, it means the world to her.
Your wife may prefer gifts; the more thought you put into the gift, the better. Acts of service are a common language, ranging anywhere from doing what your wife asks to executing a big project for her.
Lastly is physical touch. The slightest touch on the arm or a hug can bring your wife great comfort.
If you have read this book or taken this test with your wife, you are one step ahead in the comforting process. If not, you may encourage your wife to take this test with you. If this is not possible, you may do some research on your own by reading the book or visiting the website, 5lovelanguages.com.