Is divorce right for me?

How do you know when divorce may be the best option for your marriage?

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  • The Holy Bible teaches that when a couple marries, they are to cleave unto each other. Jesus taught that those who are joined together in holy matrimony should never be separated. With that declaration, he was challenged regarding the allowance of divorce, “Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and put her away?”

  • In answer, Jesus explained “Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so (Matthew 19:3-9).” Divorce is permitted because of the hardness of our hearts. Divorce is often a selfish act and selfishness will destroy your marriage.

  • Why get married?

  • Marriage serves to bring two independent lives together. Once married, his concerns become your concerns, her fears become your fears. Your whole life revolves around pleasing your spouse. You seek to bring a greater measure of happiness into the life of your companion.

  • You become united in all things. You are blessed with the companionship of your best friend. You live together, spend your free time with each other, work hard to build a life and family together, you sleep together and every morning you get to wake up to that familiar face of your spouse, that very person who has been there by your side through all of the ups and downs of life. Your spouse is the most important person in your life, your trusted friend. The greatest happiness that I have ever experienced has been by the side of my dear wife.

  • When is divorce okay?

  • Why would anyone want to separate from the one they once loved so passionately? There are circumstances when divorce may become necessary. No one should have to suffer extended periods of mental, physical and emotional abuse. If you are an innocent victim trapped in the clutches of an abusive relationship I encourage you to seek help. There are religious leaders, local law enforcement officers, friends, family and civil courts that can provide opportunities for you to find safety and peace in your life.

  • There are those who selfishly seek their own interests and refuse to accept the responsibility associated with marriage. When your spouse abandons you and simply walks away you should be given the opportunity to move on in your life. An opportunity to start fresh and discover that joy found only in marriage should be available to all who have suffered these abuses. In these instances, divorce can be the greatest opportunity of your time.

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  • Is divorce right for you?

  • Probably not. What have you done to keep your marriage strong? Have you and your spouse visited with a marriage counselor? Have you taken the time to learn valuable relationships skills that will help to strengthen your marriage? When was the last time you opened a book that taught you how to be a better spouse? Start with 5 of the best marriage help books that have helped to strengthen my marriage. When was the last time you prayed together or attended church? When was the last time you laughed together? When was the last time that you forgot about yourself?

  • Consider the comments of Dallin Oaks, religious leader and retired justice of the Utah Supreme Court:

  • “Often the cause [of divorce] is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache ... Spouses who hope that divorce will resolve conflicts often find that it aggravates them, since the complexities that follow divorce — especially where there are children — generate new conflicts.”

  • Learn how to re-fall in love with your spouse. Exhaust all resources at your disposal before you even consider divorce. I have found that the greatest joys in life come in the form of a happy marriage. A husband and wife both deserve to be happy. Pride and selfishness will destroy your marriage. Humility is the key that will unlock deeper feelings of love and happiness in your relationship. Remember, “Only by pride cometh contention (Proverbs 13:10).”

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Dustin A. Wiggins, author of 180 Experiences that will Strengthen your Marriage, is passionate about discovering ways to strengthen the family. He loves to write and explore different parts of the world. You can follow him on twitter @_DustinWiggins or check out his blog Lessons of Wisdom to stay updated with helpful and inspiring ideas.

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