Sometimes it seems like human nature to find flaws and faults in others and to broadcast them to whomever will listen. This is a useless and damaging practice that needs to stop — especially within a marriage. In a marriage, the husband and wife are on the same team. Thus, a wife should never tear down her husband — to his face or behind his back.
Speaking negatively invites more negativity
Perhaps you had a fight or there are some personality traits or habits that just annoy you. You are tempted to call your girlfriend or family member to "vent." Pretty soon, you're thinking of more things that you may not like about your spouse. Not only that, but your venting partner is now thinking those same negative things. As you tear down your husband, the negativity grows rapidly, like pouring gasoline on a fire. Ultimately, it creates greater animosity toward your husband, and the results are nothing but bad.
Instead, try speaking about positive traits or not talking at all
Find things you love about your spouse and dwell on those instead. If something is really bugging you, rather than discuss it with someone (unless it is your husband and talking about it will be productive), try just writing it down and throwing it away. No one likes to be criticized or have their short-comings magnified. There's always something good about your husband — that's why you married him in the first place! You may be surprised how your relationship might change for the good by being uplifting instead of hurting your husband.
Whether you are negative to his face or behind his back, the words can cause damage
It's a painful process to learn, grow and try to change and improve. It's even harder when the person closest to you will not allow you to change by always rehashing your past faults. Having your closest friend and partner bring you down with hurtful elaborations on your flaws is counter-productive. When you focus on all the things he may be doing wrong, it can potentially hurt your husband mentally, emotionally and physically.
Try building him up often
Husbands really try their best. Compliment the things he does. Thank him for working to provide for the family. Let him know that he is a great dad. Tell him you appreciate him. Remind him of your love for him. Make sure he knows what a great husband he is for you. There is always something wonderful to see. If it's hard, start small with something like the way he looks. Look for the good he does and compliment that — just like negativity can grow, so can positivity!
A marriage takes teamwork and being on the same side
If you are constantly working against each other with fights, insults or other negative acts, your marriage will likely be unhappy and potentially end in heartache. On a sports team, if teammates were constantly elbowing, kicking shins or talking smack to each other, the team would fall apart. Similarly, you will begin to resent each other, not work together and become enemies. By focusing on bad qualities, you are ultimately damaging your relationship and marriage.
Good and effective communication, bonding as a couple and building each other up are necessary for a healthy marriage. Your attitude toward your husband can make all the difference. Focusing on his good qualities can make all the difference. When problems arise — and they will — working together for solutions is a lot easier when you can speak with respect and love to your husband.
Kindness, love and respect can go a long way in improving behavior, thwarting negativity and learning to be a team. Avoid tearing down your husband. Find the wonderful things about him that you fell in love with and focus on those. Your marriage and relationship depends on it.
Wendy is a regular contributor for familyshare.com and does media reviews. Website: https://survivorshopeandhealing.wordpress.com/ for victims of sexual abuse. Blog: https://wendyejessen.wordpress.com Twitter: @WendyJessen