Marriage is not always an easy institution - especially when couples choose to take a nonchalant attitude. Many couples depend on one person to put in all the effort. Or, they take the marriage for granted. Nevertheless, marriage needs attention and nourishment. Marriage is a serious sacrament that takes the effort of two people to create a successful family.
My current marriage started off a tad rocky. We had both been previously divorced. When we decided to commit to each other, both of us were guilty of reenacting similar mistakes from our earlier marriages. There was a lack of communication and high expectations. But, when we recognized history was repeating itself, we decided to take a step back and reevaluate our relationship. Do we walk away from the marriage or work toward a healthy marriage?
While working toward a healthy marriage, we realized we were approaching certain situations the wrong way. We'd fallen into some common marriage traps.
Here are some issues, that frequently cause problems in marriages:
Disrespecting your spouse
Sometimes married couples believe name calling, cursing or raising a hand at each other is acceptable to get a point across or to release frustrations. Instead of throwing insults, talk. The idea of talking sounds unreasonable especially if the couple is angry, but civilized and honest conversations are effective in a marriage.
Taking your spouse for granted
Thank your spouse for doing things for you. Many couples assume since they are already married, the spouse is expected to do certain things. It doesn't always work that way. When my husband does something for me or I do something for him, we always say thank you. For example, if my husband happens to do my chores around the house because I am involved in something else, I always give him thanks for taking that extra workload. I don't just expect it from him.
Interrupting your spouse during a conversation
If you interrupt your spouse while he is explaining a situation or venting about a hard day at work, you are only demonstrating lack of interest. It's rude and careless. Give your spouse the time to talk. If you must cut in, politely do so.
One of the biggest mistakes committed in a marriage is talking badly about your spouse to others - even if it is to a friend or family member. You are letting others know you have little to no admiration for your spouse. You also seem to have no regard for your marriage. Stay away from revisiting your spouse's past and using that information as a reason to say negative things. If you have nothing positive to say, try saying nothing at all.
Children are sponges. They absorb everything they see and hear. If they are in the same room where you and your spouse are having a heavy disagreement, it will affect them. Concerns of whether or not their parents will stay mad at each other or possibly divorce will begin to build.
Anger and rudeness has no place in a marriage. Marriage is about respect, support and love. It's about two people putting their best foot forward. A husband and a wife should always work together, not against each other.
Mayra Colón is a freelance writer, former independent author and avid reader. She holds a MBA from the University of Phoenix and completed the Freelance Writing and Selling Online course from Rutgers University of Arts and Sciences.