When I was dating my husband, I pictured myself as an exemplary wife living in a little piece of heaven (my home) with a perfect husband. I really believed that we were on our way to make it happen. However, these things do not just happen magically we must make a great effort.
Going through this metamorphosis is very common in every marriage because two people represent two different worlds that become one. I began realizing that I liked the power of always being right. I liked the idea of being spoiled by my family, so I wrongfully thought that doing this was the best thing in the world, until I found something that changed my mind. A psychologist named Kelly Flanagan wrote an article called, "Marriage is For Losers." This article describes three types of marriages:
This happens when both spouses compete to win. It usually becomes a duel, where both are armed with words or silence. These couples often destroy everything that surrounds them and end up destroying themselves.
This is a couple where one of the spouses always wins, and the other always loses. Both roles are well defined, and the same person always loses. When I ran across this information, I felt like I was always the mean and dominant person. Without knowing it, I was harming my marriage.
Love as a sacrifice
This represents a marriage that is not perfect. However both spouses have made a decision to love each other without limitations, and to sacrifice the most important thing: themselves. In this marriage, the expression “to lose” (which to me refers to yielding) denotes a lifestyle where the competition develops around itself to the point where one of the spouses decides to look after, serve, forgive and accept the other in the best way. This competition increases the dignity and strength of the couple. These marriages are comprised of people that strive to be humble, compassionate, merciful, loving and peaceful. Here are some more tips on the secrets to a happy marriage.
As I read about these types of marriages, I had tears in my eyes. I then understood that even though this idea is very different to what the world thinks (that losing belittles us), it is just what I wanted for my family. Since then, I can say that I am great at yielding. Our marriage falls under that strange category: losers (“yielders”). Now I can say that this is not only the marriage I want, but also the one that I have. My husband helps me to be humble, compassionate, merciful, loving and peaceful.
Have you ever thought that you have been in this type of situation? Have you been the person that has always been right, and that always wins? Or perhaps it is quite the opposite: you may know people who are not happy in their marriage and need to change something. As far as I’m concerned, this type of marriage is the best option. You may share this information, and you will not only find a way to fix things, but also a way to be happy and to make the people you love feel happy, as well. Besides, these types of ideas help us have a change of heart, which actually makes the world a better place to live in.