'I'm with stupid': The dangers of name calling

When you call your husband bad names, you lack respect for your husband, marriage and your children. Abuse is not the answer.

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  • Time and time again we read of female domestic abuse. But, women are not the only group of people suffering domestic abuse — men suffer, as well. Domestic abuse is not only physical; it is also mental and verbal. Calling your husband bad names to get a point across, or as a joke, is never wise. You are not only disrespecting him, but your marriage, as well. Marriage has its ups and downs, and we do get frustrated with one another. Nevertheless, calling each other bad names has negative results.

  • Many women are known for losing patience when their husbands do or say something not to their liking. Maybe they forgot to pick up milk on the way home or drop off clothes at the dry cleaners. In my first marriage, I was one of the many women who used name calling as a defense mechanism. He would offend me so I would call him names. But that wasn’t the solution to the problem. Calling each other names put our marriage in an unpleasant predicament. However, there are women who verbally abuse their husbands first and the men do not retaliate. Wives find nothing wrong with calling their husbands names such as “stupid” or “idiot” in hopes they do better next time. In reality, the women are only hurting their husbands and tearing down their confidence. Plus, if there are children involved — and if the name calling occurs in their presence — imagine the damage being done to them. Children pick up what they see and hear.

  • Here are a few tips on avoiding negative name calling toward your husband:

  • Think before you speak

  • When we are angry, we tend to speak without giving what we are about to say a second thought. Most times we say things that are offensive. Therefore, if you are upset with your husband, take a moment to gather your thoughts before saying something you might regret. Your husband’s feelings are on the line and so are the feelings of your children if they are present at that time.

  • Talk to each other

  • If your husband has upset you, instead of calling him negative names, calmly make your feelings known. Tell him that he didn’t do something to your expectations, or he said something that offended you. Whatever the case, speak to him. Talking civilly creates positive results.

  • Therapy

  • So talking to him didn’t work. You still see nothing wrong in calling him names, and he continues to feel out-of-place. Finding a marriage therapist might help resolve the name calling. Sometimes having an unbiased person listen to both sides of the story can shine some light on the situation. If your children happen to hear the negative name calling, seek a family therapist. It is a good idea to bring the family together to explain the importance of respect.

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  • There is a chance the marriage will end in separation if the verbal abuse continues or intensifies. Talking or undergoing therapy may not work out as expected. Therefore, the man has every right — just as a woman — to leave an abusive relationship. However, before your husband takes that route, try working on treating your husband the way you want him to treat you.

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Mayra Colón is a freelance writer, former independent author and avid reader. She holds a MBA from the University of Phoenix and completed the Freelance Writing and Selling Online course from Rutgers University of Arts and Sciences.

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