One morning you wake up to the following words: “I don’t love you anymore.” For a split moment, you think you are still dreaming. Your husband is speaking, but all you hear is noise. You are on a different wave length. The world you knew a few hours ago is quickly crumbling down.
I heard those words before, but held on hoping counseling, space and changing my ways would make him feel otherwise. As much as we both tried, his love for me didn’t exist anymore. He wasn’t prepared for marriage — and soon after I learned neither was I.
That marriage ended in divorce, but it doesn’t mean every marriage will end the same way. My second marriage started off a tad bumpy, but we worked on our issues before the marriage took a spiral turn for the worse. We are still standing strong.
Even though your husband said he doesn’t love you anymore, find out why he feels that way. Let him talk. Listen to every word. Put yourself in his shoes.
Immediately, you begin to think of the worst case scenario. He is leaving me and the kids. How am I going to explain the situation to the children or to the family? What did I do wrong? Have I been a careless wife or mother? Please stay calm. Be patient with yourself and with your husband.
I am sure talking to your husband is the last thing you want to do after hearing harsh words. You are angry and in pain — with every right of course. However, it is important to find out why he doesn’t love you. If you do not attempt to talk to him, you will not feel at peace. Those words will torment you. You will blame yourself for everything.
Married couples in turmoil find it a challenge to talk to each other in a peaceful way. Therefore, seeking a marriage counselor can offer the couple some form of guidance.
Let’s say your husband opened up, being on his own or through a counselor, and he explained exactly why he said those words to you. Perhaps he felt lack of attention or support from your part. He felt as if he was not a top priority in your life. If he desires more attention or support, make an effort to give it to him. If the roles were reverse, I’m positive you would want your husband to give you a little more attention or support.
Our vows may say, "Till death do us part," but that is not always the case. You can work as hard as you can to make a marriage work but, if it continues to be unhappy, then it is time for you both to head in different directions. Perhaps your husband's issues were not in regard to attention or support, but to something more in-depth such as he wants his single life back. There is nothing else to do. Letting go is never easy, but you need to remember you did everything in your power to give him what he wanted. People just drift apart sometimes.
When we marry, we do so with the intent of staying married forever. Unfortunately, couples grow apart. Nevertheless, if your husband says he doesn’t love you anymore, before you assume the worse, try to remain calm and listen to him. Give your marriage a chance.
Mayra Colón is a freelance writer, former independent author and avid reader. She holds a MBA from the University of Phoenix and completed the Freelance Writing and Selling Online course from Rutgers University of Arts and Sciences.