Do you remember when romancing your wife came easily? You may have to think back ... way back to before she was your wife. When we guys first find that special woman, the woman we want to spend “’til death do we part” with, making her feel unique and cared for comes easily. There’s a reason for that.
Mother Nature wants to give us the best chance of making a match, so she mixes up a hormone and brain-chemical concoction that keeps us passionate and romantic for a good six to eighteen months — the Honeymoon Stage. Then, after that, no more freebies. We, fellas, are on our own when it comes to romance and, suddenly, we find our wives missing the old us.
What’s a guy to do? Have an affair — with your wife. An extramarital affair is never the answer. But a marital affair is.
Too many relationships end because of this dip in romance and passion. Too often one or both partners may look outside the marriage to find that passion fix. When you do, you risk lasting love for excitement that will quickly wane. It’s a lot of effort that gets you nowhere. And don't kid yourself — it will definitely cause a lot of pain.
Therefore, guys, if you’re going to expend the effort on an affair (getting gussied up, spending the money), have it with your wife. Use that time and effort to bring the excitement back to the loving relationship you already have. And if you doubt whether you're even in love anymore, the advice is the same. A marital affair is not just for passion — it can help you rediscover the love, too.
1. Date the Woman, Again
Women like to be treated as though they are remarkable — because they are. When you were first dating your wife, you took her out dancing, to the movies, to a concert, to dinner. Now that you are married, these outings may be few and far between, but if you are having a marital affair, you need to be taking her out on the town again. She’ll feel young, alive, and wanted.
2. Dress the Part
When you court a woman, you always try to look your best. Before picking her up, you shave, shower, maybe even get a haircut. You check yourself in the mirror, wear cologne, and make sure your clothes compliment you. Once you have landed her, you may think, “What’s the point? Who do I need to impress?” The answer: your wife. She still wants to feel that she’s special enough for you to look good. If you're having a marital affair, you don't pick her up unshaven, unshowered, or wearing sweatpants. You're not getting any woman that way.
One of the most shared activities for a couple having an affair is physical intimacy. Think back to those early months when you were first dating your wife. Do you remember how exciting was the thought of intimacy? Once you get married, though, that novelty wears off. In an affair, it kicks back in again. Why? Because it’s a new partner, which means new experiences. How do you get that with your “old” partner? Change things up in the bedroom. Try different times of day. Different locations. Flirt in public, creating anticipation for your return home and think about how couples having affairs use beds ... not just for sleeping. So increase your quantity and quality of intimate encounters, making her feel wanted by you once again.
To keep an extramarital affair from devastating your marriage, have a marital affair. Taking a page from “The Affair Handbook” can actually keep us from having extramarital affairs of our own, while courting our wives and making them feel the way they did when we first started dating.