After graduating high school, I thought I was ready for the world. I didn’t care to hear too much of what my mom had to say because I knew it all. Unfortunately, before realizing I didn’t know it all, I experienced unnecessary arguments with my mother. It took dealing with real-life situations to understand mom was right I was wrong and arguing with her was definitely not a wise decision.
As I got older and wiser, I started to practice a few steps that helped me avoid arguing with my mom and instead address her as a mature adult.
Ask yourself if the subject matter is worth the argument
Many times the issue at hand is not worth fighting about. In some instances, we realize the argument was silly after the fact. If you sense the topic is going to lead to something serious, perhaps it would be a good idea to back away from it. Figure out another way to address the matter; a way that will diffuse any possibilities of an argument.
Take a step back when voices begin to soar
The moment you hear your voices are about to spiral, the best thing to do is pull back from the discussion. One thing I learned is when I sense something more than a discussion is about to occur I will say, “Let’s relax. There’s no need to raise our voices. We need to focus and work together.” By saying this, I have been successful in defusing an argument.
If you know the topic you are about to tackle may not be well received by your mother, then prepare yourself to maintain composure. She may be angry, but if she captures how calm you are, chances are she will remain calm, too.
Even though you may not want to hear what your mom has to convey, listen anyway. She may say things you do not necessarily agree with, but at least you are giving her the opportunity to share her thoughts. Let her know you understand where she is coming from even though you do not agree.
Politely walk away
If the discussion turns into a quarrel, excuse yourself. Use the approach such as, “Mom, I need a minute. Please excuse me.” Once the tempers have been tamed, then revisit the discussion. Apologize for being disrespectful. Sometimes a mini break is all that is needed to avoid arguments, and you can now approach the discussion with a clear mind.
It is only natural to view issues differently than your mother. But, it is important never to lose respect for her. Arguing with your mother will only incur tension between the two of you. A mother only wants the very best for her child. It doesn’t matter how old we get, our mothers will always be moms.
Mayra Colón is a freelance writer, former independent author and avid reader. She holds a MBA from the University of Phoenix and completed the Freelance Writing and Selling Online course from Rutgers University of Arts and Sciences.