You've betrayed your spouse: What can you do now? 10 ways to regain the trust of a spouse

The regaining of trust is a process that takes time. The following 10 ways will assist you in this journey.1. Acknowledge the wrong you have done. Be completely honest with your spouse, hold nothing back. Don’t try to whitewash it.

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  • The regaining of trust is a process that takes time. The following 10 ways will assist you in this journey.

  • 1. Acknowledge the wrong you have done

  • Be completely honest with your spouse, hold nothing back. Don’t try to whitewash it. If you do not come clean, the truth will manifest itself later and trust will be much harder to regain. If the offense was an affair, don’t go into the vivid details. That will create visual images in your spouse’s mind that are difficult to erase.

  • 2. Apologize—sincerely apologize

  • This may need to happen over and over again. Let your mate see the pain you feel for having betrayed him or her. If the betrayal is life changing in nature, this will take time. Your spouse needs to see the depth of your sorrow for your actions, and that you are truly sorry for what you did.

  • 3. Don’t justify your actions

  • It’s tempting to tell reasons why you did what you did. When a wrong is done, simply admit it and don’t offer excuses. No excuse will justify the betrayal. They only make it sound like you are not sincere and that it wasn’t entirely your fault. Admit that it was your fault, and no one else’s.

  • 4. Allow your spouse to be angry at you

  • Let’s be clear: your spouse is going to be angry at you for the offense. It’s deeply painful to be betrayed. This anger will not be sufficiently expressed in just one session. It may need to be expressed several times, depending on the nature of the offense. Be patient as your spouse heals from the hurt.

  • 5. Hide nothing from your spouse

  • Let her or him know where you are at all times so they don’t have to wonder. This is not reporting to your spouse; it’s simply showing courtesy. This courtesy will bring trust. Be where you say you are going to be, do what you say you are going to be doing. If your plans change, out of respect, let your spouse know.

  • 6. Express appreciation for the forgiveness your spouse has given you

  • It’s hard for a spouse to forgive when they have been betrayed. Acknowledging the forgiveness when it has been given is vital to the healing process. Believe that your spouse actually means it when forgiveness is offered. Accept it and be grateful for it. It may take time for forgiveness to come, but eventually, with patience, it will come.

  • 7. Pray for Divine help in overcoming the problem that caused you to be untrustworthy

  • There is nothing as powerful as prayer. There are some things a person just can’t do on his own, and this is one of them. There is Divine help available. Get down on your knees and reach for that help. Remember the statement, “With God all things are possible.”

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  • 8. Daily tell your spouse of your love

  • The words, “I love you” are powerful. Say them to your spouse everyday. Then find ways to demonstrate it, like being more helpful with the children, doing household chores, having a regular date night out for dinner or a concert. Continually be thinking of ways to show the love you have verbally expressed.

  • 9. Show your resolve to do better

  • Let your countenance show a happy, yet not flippant attitude. Let your sorrow be evident without going about with an overriding gloom.

  • 10. Live a trustworthy life

  • In all things be true to yourself and to vows you have made. In all your words and actions show that you can be trusted. In time, your words and actions will tell the story of your true repentance. This, then, will build a marriage stronger than it may ever have been before. It will be worth all the effort, not only for yourself and your mate, but for your posterity.

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Gary Lundberg is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Joy is a writer. Together they author books on relationships.

Website: http://garyjoylundberg.com

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