Translated and adapted by Taylor Richardson from the original article, “5 dicas para manter o vigor do casamento” by Suely Buriasco
You always hear about a "worn out" marriage. Some even have the theory of a “limited time” of happiness for the couple. But the truth is, marriage doesn’t "wear out" over time. However long you are together your marriage wears out because of the lack of attention and dedication to one another; through negligence, misunderstanding and displeasing one another.
What really wears out a union is the lack thereof. Not prioritizing the well-being of the other is not being a good partner. The time doesn’t run out, but us showing that all of this was worth it or not — can. The wearing out of a relationship are vain attempts at happiness. There are some strategies that can change the situation and that can be an ally to a couple’s happiness in their marriage.
1. Attention to communication
Always be respectful when you want to voice your opinion, and respect your spouse’s point of view. In order to have good communication you need to pick and choose when and how you are going to speak. Words can hurt, so we need to think about what we are going to say. Learning to change your way of speaking and having a sincere conversation with your spouse uses time to better know each other.
2. Take advantage of romantic moments
It is true that over time passion can be, in a way, lost. But nothing should get in the way of true love and living for each other. Roberto Shinyashiki wrote in his book Amar pode dar certo: “Flirting needs to be a daily activity, the ‘conquest’ needs to be the goal of the day. All you need to do is ‘get out’ your old ways of flirting and restore them to their proper use, every day.”
3. Develop companionship
Companionship is essential for your marriage. It means giving attention and dedication to your spouse. Being together is giving support to your spouse, as is recognizing his faults and celebrating his successes. Make sure that your spouse is your confidant, and always cultivate this confidence with care. Take advantage of the years that you have together to seal your friendship. This will be a huge part of your understanding of each other.
4. Demonstrate your love
Look at your spouse in a way that she will understand your feelings towards her and say “I love you” multiple times a day. Smile as much as you can and show that you are happy to be together. Prove this with words, gestures and acts saying that you admire your beloved spouse. Don’t give praise or words of encouragement with a so-so attitude.
Independent of what you both do professionally and at home don’t give up the opportunity to have some time alone with your spouse. Go for a drive together; this will create surprising and interesting times together. Do something fun together and always strive to have good humor as a couple.
It isn’t important how long you have been together, or the intimate time you have accumulated, but these experiences can be used to better your relationship. Don’t get caught up in routines that force you to have an unsatisfactory and boring life. Honoré de Balzac said, “Love is the poetry of all feelings. Either it is sublime, or it doesn’t exist. When it does exist, it exists forever and will grow day by day.”
Suely is a conflict counselor, an educator and has a MBA in Strategic People Management. She's the host of the program "Deixa Disso," which offers relationships advice. She has also published two books, “Uma fênix em Praga” and, “Mediando Conflitos no Relacionamento a Dois”.