The downside of finding 'the one'

Here's why destiny might not be the greatest thing for a relationship.

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  • We all want to find our fairytale ending. We all want to be the one to have the perfect relationship with the perfect person. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a perfect person. Therefore, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.

  • OK, so you know he's not going to be perfect, but you just know that you were made for each other. Even when you find "the one" for you, you need to remember that it will take working together to keep the relationship strong. There is no endless happiness unless the two of you learn to work together.

  • Counseling Today says, "Belief in a soul mate is closely aligned with what modern researchers refer to as 'destiny beliefs.' In contrast, people who hold 'growth beliefs' adhere to the outlook that relationships naturally involve conflict and that challenges in the relationship can be overcome."

  • So the downside to finding "the one" is believing that you will always have a perfect happy ever after. Instead you need to think in a growth mindset. You need to think about working through challenges.

  • Here are three ways to have a growth mindset:

  • 1. Forgive

  • Growing comes by making mistakes. This can be a source of pain and raw feelings. You want them to apologize and work for your forgiveness. We see this happening all the time in movies, but in reality, marriages do better when you forgive easily. They probably didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

  • Mistakes happen, but hard feelings come when we don't forgive those mistakes. A growth mindset happens when you are ready to forgive and move forward.

  • 2. Plan

  • Plan to spend time together. You are never going to be able to work through problems unless you actually spend time together.

  • Planning time to be together can solve the problem of just getting too busy. This can be one of the hardest things to do because we get so busy, but when you plan ahead, you are more likely to follow through.

  • Set aside time to just talk, go to dinner or make something together. As you do fun things together, you will be reminded why you love each other, as well as have time to discuss important things that both of you are worried about.

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  • 3. Take action

  • If you are always waiting for them to make a decision or do something nice for you, then you will probably be disappointed. At the beginning of a relationship, you are both constantly looking for cute ways to surprise each other. Then slowly you become more comfortable with each other, and you get caught up doing other things in your life.

  • In a relationship, it is never a one-to-one giving ratio. You each take turns giving more to the other person. If you are always waiting for your sweetheart to do something nice for you, you are probably not doing enough for the relationship. You will also feel less satisfied in the relationship because you will be counting every act instead of enjoying them in their own time.

  • You have found someone who will make you happy, and you make them happy. Don't forget to keep working on your love so you can continue to build a beautiful relationship.

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Christa is a part time photographer, part time writer and full time lover of life. She loves eating chocolate chip cookies and singing (but not at the same time). She has her degree in political science.

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