Being married or being in a relationship comes with a lot of struggles, and it can be hard to decide what's good and what's bad for your relationship. And to make things even more difficult, there are some habits you might think are helping your relationship when they're actually hurting it:
1. Dropping hints
Your partner can't read your mind, so you need to tell them what's going on. Don't drop hints or be passive aggressive. Being straightforward is the best and fastest way to get what you want - plus, we all know that healthy relationships thrive on open communication.
2. Looking through their phone
No matter how badly you want to see who your darling was texting during dinner, you really shouldn't go through their phone. Psychotherapist Erin Wiley states, "If you have no reason to believe your partner is cheating or acting inappropriately, then why are you looking?" If you suspect something is off, talk about it.
Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do ... it's just part of life. But when you're giving in to every little thing your partner suggests just to avoid a fight, it can turn into a problem. Explain why you don't want to do something, and your partner will most likely understand.
4. Complaining to friends
If your spouse is driving you crazy, talk to them about it instead of friends or family members. It might be uncomfortable, especially if it's a touchy subject, but working it out between the two of you will strengthen your relationship and make for a healthier relationship and overall environment.
5. Bringing up past arguments
When you're in an argument, your first response might be to bring up that terrible thing your partner did five years ago, but do everything you can to refrain from using that tactic. The past is in the past, and you shouldn't make your partner relive something they're not proud of.
6. Looking at your phones more than each other
It's easy for Instagram or Facebook to take up your time while you're having a relaxing night in, but don't let it get in the way of spending quality time with your sweetheart. Make sure you're looking in their eyes when they're talking and you're actually listening. Putting down your phone is a small change, but it'll make a big difference.
You should expect your partner to meet your basic needs. But don't expect too much out of them, or you'll always be disappointed. Your sweetheart is only human and can only do so much. You can't expect a single person to be everything you need (and more) out of life. For a happier relationship, let go of the rest of your expectations.
8. Not talking through issues
You can't ignore your problems - it's not healthy. So if you're having a problem or your partner hurt your feelings deeply, you need to talk about it. If you don't, the same things will keep happening and you'll keep getting hurt.
Don't let your fights fizzle out before you can apologize. When I first got married, my husband and I both had a hard time apologizing to each other because we both thought we were always right. We've gotten much better, and hearing that simple "I'm sorry" makes the forgiveness process so much easier.
10. Putting your focus elsewhere
Your sweetheart should be at the very top of your priority list, even above your kids and your job. Your kids will move out and you'll retire someday, but you'll always have your spouse. Nurture that relationship as much and as often as you can.
If your relationship has any of these qualities, you're not doomed. Just make sure to be aware when you practice these habits and try to change them one by one. It won't happen overnight, but over time, your relationship will be so much better. Making these small steps can really help your relationship grow into something beautiful.
Lindsey loves traveling and shopping, and her favorite place in the whole world is Disneyland. She also loves spending time with her family and cute husband. She is studying Professional and Technical Writing and is part of the content team for FamilyShare.