The day I decided he wasn’t my everything, my life immediately got better

We want our partner to be our everything, but that actually might not be a healthy relationship.

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  • We all want to love and feel that love in return. Relationships can be hard, though, and we don't always feel love in every relationship.

  • When we are in a relationship, we do everything we can to be part of their life, and make sure their life is part of ours. We make sacrifices, do dishes and shower them with gifts all to make them happy.

  • We also watch movies to learn how to be more romantic and a better partner. After watching a million rom coms, it's easy to think all you need in a relationship is each other's love and laughter. But behind some of our favorite rom coms are deeper meanings for our relationships that we often just glance over.

  • An example from the movie "The Proposal"

  • "The Proposal" gives us a chance to see into a world of awkward work relationships. Margaret starts off as a controlling boss, while Andrew is the classic do-everything secretary. Through a twist of events, Margaret and Andrew travel from New York to Alaska to visit his family.

  • At Andrew's family home Margaret is no longer the boss; therefore, she no longer had him all to herself. His siblings and cousins wanted to spend time with him, as well as a loving grandmother who thought her grandson was the greatest thing ever.

  • Through this experience Margaret saw Andrew in a different way. He always had a good memory, was efficient with his time and worked diligently. But at home he used his memory to remember his mom's favorite shops, his punctuality to balance time between listening to his grandmother and sister and his diligence to build his own canoe.

  • As Margaret learned to share Andrew, she began to actually fall in love with him. In the office it was nice that Andrew did everything for her, but it wasn't the same as seeing him for who he truly was. It wasn't until Margaret learned that he couldn't be her everything that her life got better. And within a week of Margaret "letting go" of Andrew, they got engaged.

  • How could this be possible

  • We usually only focus on the love and gushy parts instead of the moral of the story: In order to be in love, we have to let go a little. We want our partner to be our "everything." Love songs tell us they should be the first thing we think of in the morning and the last thing we think of at night. But in reality our partner will grow more if we take a step back. They will mean more to us if we let them interact with and mean more to other people too.

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  • It's easy to put people in boxes and limit what they are able to do. We need to be able to take a step back and let people become who they want and can become.

  • Remember you aren't the only person who loves them (or that loves you)

  • If after reading this you realize that your only friend is your spouse or girl/boy friend, then it might be time to get out and make some new friends. Talk to people at work, sit by someone new at church or smile to people at the grocery store.

  • If your partner does not allow you to have friends outside of your relationship, you are in a toxic relationship, and you need to get out.

  • Relationships are fun and take work, but that doesn't mean you don't need other friends and family to help you.

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Christa is a part time photographer, part time writer and full time lover of life. She loves eating chocolate chip cookies and singing (but not at the same time). She has her degree in political science.

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