17. Get wireless internet so you can google everything, practice googling "reflux, colic, why isn't my baby sleeping, why does my baby hate me, how do I put my baby back in my uterus?"
18. Eat cake, nothing but cake
19. Ask people for advice on everything, tell them to get really extensive with it and condescending.
20. Wake up in the middle of the night confused and scream "where's the baby?"
21. Watch your partner sleep and imagine shoving a stick into his snoring mouth. Hate him... The more you ignore or yell the better it'll be for him when the baby comes - if he looks confused... you are ready.
Good luck! And enjoy future mummas. May the force be with you.
Her viral post had more than 19,000 comments on it. Some people were upset at her satire, while others chimed in with additional points.
"Also stop doing any kind of housework for a while. Throw random bits of laundry around the house and a few boxes of breast pads and nappies everywhere just so you can get the hang of stepping over things," writes one woman.
Another adds, "You forgot rocking constantly from side to side in the checkout line while holding a loaf of bread."
Amberlee is the content manager for FamilyShare.com and earned a degree in journalism. She creates beautiful things with her experience in writing, graphic design, photography, video and music. She loves her family, the outdoors, baby foxes and podcasts.