When you get comfortable with your spouse, it's easy to say things you don't necessarily mean. You might forget about it and move on, but there are certain phrases that can really hurt your spouse and leave a mark.
When you're fighting or frustrated, there are certain phrases that should stay completely off-limits. Here are some of those little words that destroy your spouse:
1. "Why aren't you more like ... "
Your spouse never wants to feel like you're comparing them to other people. When you ask why they're not more like your sister's husband, your mom or your best friend, it's extremely damaging because your sweetheart doesn't feel good enough for you.
Make an effort to notice your spouse's awesome traits that make them unique. They'll never be just like your mom, so focus on the things you love about your sweetheart and leave other people out of it.
Even if it's true, you should NEVER say this to your spouse. If your sweetheart has put on a few pounds, they're probably aware. They need your love and support, no matter what they look like.
If you're actually concerned for their health, make small changes together to live a healthier lifestyle. Go on walks or hikes together, learn how to cook healthy meals and work on getting healthy as a couple.
3. "Your feelings are wrong"
When a person expresses their feelings, it puts them in a vulnerable state where they hope to be accepted, not shot down. Don't invalidate your spouse's feelings when they tell you why they're upset, when they're vulnerable or when they're worried about something.
When you argue, don't tell your spouse their reasoning for being upset isn't valid. Listen to what they're saying, and take it to heart to make the changes necessary to improve your marriage.
4. "You're worried about nothing"
Worries are very real, and your sweetheart might be someone who worries more than average. If that's the case, don't make them feel embarrassed of their feelings.
When your honey is worried about something, talk through it with them until they feel better, or learn how to help them cope in the best way. They'll really appreciate your love and support.
If your wife is a stay-at-home mom, don't ask her what she does all day unless you're genuinely interested. She does so much for your family, so don't get upset when you come home to a messy house or pizza for dinner (again).
If you really want to know what she does during the day, ask her a in non-demeaning way. I guarantee you'll be surprised at the endless effort she puts in for your family.
6. "You always ... "
Don't say "always" or "never" unless it's in a positive sentence. For example, you shouldn't say things like "You always embarrass me in front of my friends." There's a much nicer way to send this message to your honey ... plus, chances are that phrase just isn't true, so it's not worth telling.
Your sweetheart doesn't ALWAYS or NEVER do anything. There might be a pattern to their annoying habits, but it's important to address those habits in a kind way, not as a definitive statement.
7. "If you really loved me ... "
Your spouse really loves you, and if they didn't, you wouldn't be married to each other. Implying that your spouse doesn't love you is hurtful and damaging. Don't try to get your spouse to do things for you by questioning their love. And, saying it jokingly or sarcastically can be damaging, too.
Your sweetheart loves you, and you should believe that with all your heart.
Each relationship is different, and you shouldn't accuse your spouse of not doing something another couple does. While your spouse should be meeting your needs, they shouldn't have to feel guilty if they're not bringing you a bouquet of flowers every day.
You and your sweetheart know what's best for each other, and you know how to love each other. Don't look at other people's relationships and compare them to yours.
One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is say absolutely nothing. If you're having relationship struggles, you should talk it through instead of giving your spouse the silent treatment.
Talk about your problems in a loving, safe atmosphere where you and your sweetheart can come up with good solutions. The longer you say nothing, the worse the problems will get.
Lindsey loves traveling and shopping, and her favorite place in the whole world is Disneyland. She also loves spending time with her family and cute husband. She is studying Professional and Technical Writing and is part of the content team for FamilyShare.