It's hard to imagine yourself in a relationship that isn't real. Your friends and family might see the cracks in your foundation, but you probably assure yourself that everything is great. The reality is many "relationships" are more situational than inspirational. It might take a little digging to find the truth, but it's in there. So here are 4 more ways you can tell if you and your partner are in a situationship.
1. It's forgettable
Situationships often lead to forgetfulness when that person at the bar is flirting with you or when you meet a friend of a friend and hit it off. When your single friends want to go speed dating or on a single's cruise, you're right there with them, forgetting you have someone back at home.
When your so-called relationship is so forgettable you're willing to think about entertaining other experiences, you're probably in a situationship. And this goes far beyond flirtation. If you have strong feelings you might stray from your partner if you met the right person and move on without looking back, your current romance is already on the rocks.
2. It's regrettable
Situationships can leave you with a lot of regrets. You may find yourself daydreaming about the one that got away - pining and fantasizing about what could have been. Playing up what your life would be like if you had ended up with someone else, or somewhere else is also a sign of regret.
Or you could dwell on that one thing that pulls you back to your current partner when either of you wants to leave. Be it a fast family, finances, career or even illness. Situationships emerge when there's an outside force keeping you where you are and challenging your happiness.
3. It's boring
You've run out of things to talk about. Conversations that do spark up sputter out quickly. And finally you realize you would rather be anywhere other than in the company of your mate. Relationships naturally hit a coasting phase, but hopefully there's still a flicker of passion that ignites when you're together.
In a situationship, you may power through spending time together, but you don't necessarily enjoy each other. Your companionship is more out of obligation or lack of better plans. But you would honestly rather spend your time with other people. Fun and lively conversation only seems to happen outside of your relationship.
Situationships can be quiet and unassuming, but they can also be hostile, volatile and toxic. If there's a lot of arguing that doesn't seem to come to resolution, especially with personal attacks, there's a good chance you're fighting about a deeper problem.
The surface tension could be household duties, financial responsibilities or family stress. But the real issues are of incompatibility, personality clashes and desire to be apart. Situationships often fall into a pattern of calm, escalation, fighting, silence and reconciliation. This cycle can continue for years or decades if left unexamined. You're often on the edge but manage to stick it out.
Situationships can devolve out of true romances or show up in the beginning stages of a relationship. It's important to know why you're sharing your life with someone. Figure out what you really need in a life partner and try to build that from the inside out.