9 rules you MUST follow to start over with your partner (or your marriage will fail again)

You must follow these fundamental rules to rebuild your marriage.

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  • If you and your spouse are starting over, don't waste this second chance. Together, you can make your marriage stronger than it was before. Follow these rules suggested by experts to rebuild your relationship:

  • 1. Treat each other equally

  • Some people like taking full control, while others want their decisions made for them. Both of these qualities never work in a relationship. If you want everything to work out, treat each other equally and compromise.

  • 2. Treat each other with respect

  • You can achieve more by being respectful, than by shouting or insulting your partner. Even if anger is boiling beneath your skin, you should always respect each other.

  • 3. Your partner is more important than other obligations

  • Most couples will eventually separate if don't make their spouse their top priority. It's fine to have your own hobbies, but reserve time to spend with each other. Even taking a few minutes to chat before bed can make a world of difference.

  • 4. It takes two to tango

  • Neither of you can make your relationship work on your own. Divorce is 50-50, but marriage is 100-100. If you both aren't fully committed to your spouse, your marriage won't work.

  • 5. Communication is a skill you have to practice

  • Think back on your relationship to a time where things were out of hand because of poor communication. Maybe you can remember a specific time, or perhaps your mind is flowing back to many confusing conversations.

  • No matter how often this happens, it's extremely important to continue improving the communication between you two. Share your thoughts, expectations, desires and pain with one another. And remember, listening is the center of good communication.

  • 6. Don't make fake apologies

  • Your spouse can tell if your apology is sincere. Don't use the phrase "I'm sorry, but..." Using, "but" shows you aren't truly sorry, but you're trying to justify your actions.

  • 7. You're responsible for your own happiness

  • Your spouse might be one of the people in your life who brings you joy, but they aren't responsible for your happiness. When you take charge of your own happiness, your joy also reflects on your partner, making your relationship stronger.

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  • 8. Forgive yourself

  • If you've already apologized and promised to change, it's time to forgive yourself. Some people find this hard to do, but forgiving yourself is a crucial step to feeling peace.

  • 9. Sex is like a canary in a mine

  • Miners used to bring canaries into mines to use as a warning. If the canary stopped singing or died, the miners knew gas was consuming oxygen and used that warning to escape. Sex is like a canary; if it's suffering, there are most likely bigger issues behind it. Talk about your concerns together and visit a therapist if needed.

  • When you are willing to work together and show each other love and respect, you can rebuild the marriage you once lost. This can be a difficult journey, but as long as you're both giving 100 percent to your relationship, you'll come out of this problem stronger than before.

  • This article is translated and adapted from the original, "9 reglas que DEBES seguir para volver a empezar con tu pareja (sino fracasarán otra vez)." It was originally published on familias.com.

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Mariel Reimann is the content manager for familias.com. She studied law at the National University of Cordoba and currently resides in Salt Lake City, Utah.

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