How to stay positive after breaking up

Falling in love is easy and fun. Breaking up is miserable. How can a person stay positive after the relationship is over?

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  • Loving relationships take hard work and commitment from both parties. But as you fall more and more in love, there's a chance something will come along that sabotages this connection. Maybe it's a communication issue, or something more serious, such as infidelity or family problems. No matter how hard the couple tries to salvage the relationship, it can still ultimately end in a breakup...and heartache.

  • Depending on why you and your love broke up, here are tips to feeling positive and as happy as possible after your relationship ends:

  • Breaking up because you're incompatible

  • Many relationships end because the couple is not compatible in one or more ways. Maybe you want marriage but he doesn't. Maybe he's not willing to move for your work. Whatever the reason, coming to a point where you realize you both just aren't compatible usually occurs after the infatuation stage starts to fade. You both realize that the kisses and handholding was really all there was to this relationship.

  • You'll undoubtedly feel like breaking up was the best option, but you'll still feel heartbroken. Here are ways to heal after breaking off an incompatible relationship:

    • Relax and realize the breakup is no one's fault - some people are not meant to be together.

    • Make your life exciting again by getting back into your hobbies and interests (and finding new ones).

    • When friends or family ask about the relationship, don't talk negatively about your former parter. Simply explain why you broke up, then change the subject.

  • It will take time to heal, but knowing that the relationship wouldn't have worked anyway will help you feel positive.

  • Ending a miserable relationship

  • If the relationship is miserable, breaking up is the right thing to do. It can still take its toll on one or both people because it wasnt all bad. A miserable relationship can mean many things: maybe you need more independence or just can't stand being around someone who is so negative.

  • Even if the relationship was miserable, there were parts that made you happy which will make the breakup tough. Be sure to do the following to heal after breaking off a miserable relationship:

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    • Lean on family and friends and accept their kind words.

    • Avoid more misery by giving in or begging the other person to change.

    • Find a passion that will replace being miserable. Some people may enjoy volunteering and others may want to get a pet.

  • When infidelity ends a relationship

  • One of the most common causes of a breakup is because of infidelity. If one partner was unfaithful and the other has a difficult time forgiving, a breakup usually follows. The person who was unfaithful needs to take responsibility and figure out how to prevent this from happening again in future relationships. The person who remained faithful should learn from the experience without developing bitterness that will prevent a happy, loving relationship after taking time to heal.

  • Here are ways to stay positive after breaking off an unfaithful relationship:

    • Never take the blame for the other person being unfaithful. If there was a problem, it should have been discussed and not "solved" by seeking love outside the relationship.

    • Take stock of personal, positive attributes - learn to see the good in yourself.

    • Get support from counseling.

    • Build an ego without being too self-centered. This may involve taking a class and learning something new or getting a makeover.

    • Make (and achieve) personal and positive goals.

  • After a breakup, everyone needs time to heal. Whether the relationship ended because of incompatibility, being miserable or infidelity, it's a good idea to focus on personal positives before getting involved in another relationship. Use these tips to help you heal, stay positive and move past your heartbreak.


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Helen Lyle West is living in Manchester, United Kingdom. She is passionate about evidence-based nutrition, keen to explore how it affects the health of individuals and population groups. Helen has also had a lifelong interest in holistic, alternative, and complementary medicine. She believes health is your greatest wealth and she will help you live, breath and believe health and enjoy your life to the full. It is her mission to engage and empower people to use food, eating and lifestyle for health and healing as well as a path to personal growth.

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