The most toxic ways you can punish your husband doesn't involve you talking a lot, but these toxic actions can doom your marriage if you continually and regularly use them.
Most problems are caused by miscommunication. When you decide to give your husband the silent treatment you are exasperating the problem, not solving it. Perhaps you use the silent treatment because you don't want to yell at your husband, or perhaps it secretly pleases you when he begs to know what he did wrong.
No matter the reason, the silent treatment is a punishment that no husband, no matter what he has done, deserves. He can read your body language so even when you say "I'm fine," he knows it's a lie. The silent treatment never solves the problem but instead is used when you want to emotionally hurt your man because he hurt you.
When the silent treatment becomes common in your marriage, both you and your husband are growing distant and your marriage will fall apart. Communication is key to a happy and healthy marriage. Never use the silent treatment unless you want to see your marriage fall apart, and become unfixable because of years of small punishments that damage you and your husband's relationship.
If you do use the silent treatment frequently, stop now and apologize. Have an open and honest conversation with your husband about why you have used this form of punishment. Ask for his help and patience as you try to change.
This punishment is long lasting and can have very painful consequences. When your husband does something you don't like, expresses some concerns, or asks for guy time you might employ one of these tactics:
How could you say that to me?
While you've been out playing I have...
I did all of this and you couldn't have...
Why can't you be more like...
Alhough they may seem innocent enough at first, you are manipulating your husband and manipulation does not belong in a healthy relationship. Guilt trips harm the basic trust of your relationship. It makes him feel less connected to you and will eventually wear down your relationship to the point that all you and he are trying to do is make the other feel guilty.
Instead of guilt tripping your husband sit down with him and explain how you feel. Use less accusatory words and acknowledge any mistakes you might have made. Instead of one biting phrase, you now have a developed sense of communication which will improve your marriage greatly.
When it comes to toxic punishments withholding affection is one of the worst. Threatening to not have sex, to not kiss, to leave or anything like it will quickly ruin your relationship. Physical affection is important to a healthy relationship. Something as simple as holding hands creates a bond between two people, so when you add the other things like hugging, kissing and being intimate you create a pretty strong bond emotionally and physically.
This punishment is another type of manipulation. Every time you push away your husband out of anger you are breaking the bond you have created with him. When the bond starts breaking fights become more frequent, the affection that could heal your relationship becomes non existent and you could eventually look at divorce papers.
The same thing happens when you choose to not say "I love you," or other phrases that show your husband that you care for him. Choosing not say these words when you are angry will cause your husband to believe you don't care for him.
Never withhold your affection in anger. It's better to communicate your feelings and explain why you don't want to be kissed or held right then. Sometimes an act or a word of affection can cause both you and your husband to relax and remember why you got married in the first place. It won't necessarily solve any issues, but it will make it possible for you and your husband to have a healthy conversation.
Stop using these punishments before your relationship becomes unrepairable. Having open and honest communication will help you on your way to repairing any damage already caused. If you uses these punishments, don't give up hope on your relationship. Instead apologize. A good apology can go a long way.
Stacie Simpson is a FamilyShare staff writer. She loves listening to, gathering and sharing stories and advice to help others improve their quality of life. She spends most of her free time with her husband, ballroom dancing, reading and writing.