I've been dealing with feelings of resentment lately, and it literally makes me ache inside. I do NOT like this feeling. Over the weekend it came on really strong. It's usually triggered by something someone says to me, the way they act towards me or even something I see on social media.
When this happens, I usually begin searching for ways to feel better. I start with a little googling, sincere prayer and lots of Bible study. However, I tend to get impatient. When I'm dealing with negative emotions, I want it to go away as soon as possible.
I pray that God will guide me to the right quote, or article that relates to exactly how I'm feeling, with step-by-step instructions on HOW to overcome it. The answers don't always come right away, we have to put in the time and effort before we can find relief.
Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed with the emotion that I just want a distraction. I need something to take my mind off of it. So this weekend as I'm wallowing in my resentment towards certain people, all I wanted to do was binge watch "Friends" on Netflix. I wanted to forget my complicated social situations and live vicariously through this made-up group of friends that seem to have so much fun together. Everyone loves each other, they all care deeply for one another, nobody is getting left out and life is just GOOD.
So instead of using a distraction, I knew I needed to keep my mind open and aware to receive the answers I was praying for. So after an entire day of searching Youtube, podcasts and blog posts, I was able to find some resources that actually helped me.
Why do we feel resentment?
You didn't get invited to the party.
You don't feel supported by friends or family members.
You feel you've been taken advantage of.
Frustrated that a friend chooses to be your competition instead of working together in business.
Someone is spreading rumors about you.
You are being left out, you're not included in a group of friends, you see a picture on social media of your friends hanging out, and you're not in it.
Get it all out...
This feeling is like an infection in the body. You need to get it out. So just SAY what you're feeling or thinking. Say it or write it out. Just don't say it TO anyone and be sure to rip up the paper and throw it away once you're done. You can be as mean and vicious as you want because nobody can hear it. The purpose is to remove the negativity and not hurt anyone. Our "knee-jerk" reaction is to hurt someone back when they have hurt us but this won't solve anything.
Next step, write out your own weaknesses. It's good to establish some humility in this kind of situation and not be the victim. Take responsibility for your own mistakes. Recognize that you're not perfect either. You may have done this very thing to someone else. Recognize that we all have things we need to work on.
Mathew 7:1-5 says,
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
Ignorance is Bliss
Now, tell your brain what you want to hear. It doesn't matter if it's true or not. Create the perfect situation in your mind. Come up with an explanation for the person's actions. What might have caused this person to do this? Have compassion towards that individual. Maybe the person that hurt you has legitimate issues that caused them to do what they did.
The goal is to feel better and it's OK to tell your mind what it wants to hear. Ignorance is bliss, and LaLa Land is beautiful. Tell yourself you're amazing, and that it's their loss for not wanting to work with you, or for not inviting you to the party. Tell yourself YOU ARE ENOUGH!
Crystal Escobar is the author and creator of WannabeBalanced.com, and Founder of the Wannabe Balanced Event for women. She's a mother of 4, living in Utah. Instagramming and blogging about women empowerment and balancing life as a Momprenuer. Sharing healthy lifestyle tips and information on building a successful online business as a stay at home mom. Kombucha maker, home birth enthusiast, and wannabe balanced mom.