You have probably heard of the five love languages: quality time, service, receiving gifts, physical touch and words of affirmation. These languages are often said to be the key to understanding your husband or wife...but one important detail is often misunderstood when it comes to these love languages:
You receive and show love differently.
Yes, you and your husband receive and show love differently from each other, but that's not the point. You have a personal love language (the way you receive love) but you also have a second love language -the way you show love.
When my husband takes the time to cuddle and talk with me I feel or receive his love, which is quality time and physical touch. On the other hand, when I want to show my husband I love him, I buy him a thoughtful gift. To me the gift tells him "I love you," but if he bought me a gift I would say "I'd rather you cuddle with me and talk."
My receiving love language is quality time and physical touch, but my showing love language is giving gifts.
Having these two kinds of love languages can confuse you and your spouse. He might think he is showing you love through your love language, but the love language he is using is not your receiving love language. Truly figure out both of your languages by following these steps:
1. Answer the following questions to determine how you show love
What do you do to apologize after you and your husband fight?
What do you do when your husband is sad?
What do you do when your husband is having a rough day?
When you answer these questions you should be able to categorize them into one of the five different love languages. If you struggle with discovering which love language fits, consider other times and situations when you want to show that you love your husband.
2. Take the love language test to determine how you receive love
There are a variety of different sites to take the test on, but here is the original one. This test asks you questions that start with "It is more meaningful to me when..." and then give you two options. The test results will explain your dominant receiving love language.
Spend time to share your discoveries with your husband. For example, explain that you try to show that you love him by giving gifts, but you feel his love more when he kisses you. Ask him how he prefers you to receive love. Then ask him what he normally does to show that you love him.
Having this conversation with him will allow the two of you to understand each other and grow closer together.
Understanding your two love languages will dissolve your husband's confusion of how to love you. It will also allow him to recognize when you are showing him love, even if it isn't in his love language.
Keep in mind that love languages do change over time. If you ever feel that your husband doesn't love you anymore, or that you and your husband are drifting apart, go through these three steps to rediscover how he is showing love. It could save your relationship and your marriage.
Stacie Simpson is a FamilyShare staff writer. She loves listening to, gathering and sharing stories and advice to help others improve their quality of life. She spends most of her free time with her husband, ballroom dancing, reading and writing.