Even the most suspicious of spouses won't always be able to spot a cheater before they strike. Paying close attention to your partner's dating history, snooping through their emails, and even controlling their friendships won't keep you safe. This is because the reasons behind cheating are not always what they seem. Here are 6 hidden reasons people cheat:
1. Because they can
People often cheat because there are little or no consequences for violating their vows. Cheating is passively allowed in the relationship even when it causes pain and stress. When infidelity is (seemingly) easily dismissed or forgiven by their partner an adulterer won't get the message that it's not acceptance. In fact, the exact opposite will occur. A spouse may take it upon herself to focus on healing, and live in love and compassion instead of being consumed by hurt and fear. But a small stink doesn't exactly teach lessons and could lead to unintentionally assumed acceptance of infidelity.
Some people are born rule breakers. It doesn't start or stop with cheating. These people will cross just about any boundaries and break any rules given to them. You'll probably have lots of evidence of this before marrying these outwardly exciting and independent people. Only you'll see it as sexy and dominant, not a personality flaw. They may stop cheating at some point but it won't be because of you or your family. They'll just get tired and settle down when they're ready.
3. They think it's okay
Some cheaters were raised by cheaters and were directly or subconsciously taught that it was okay. When an impressionable child sees his parents or other family members do it they can feel compelled to follow suit. These people learned to feel entitled to do whatever they want, whenever they want, with whomever they want. And they are not concerned with who they hurt in the process. Or worse, they believe cheating is an expected and acceptable part of a relationship and feel there's no reason to act differently. You should just take whatever they give you and get over it.
4. Poor impulse control
Some cheaters have significant difficulty controlling their impulses. When a trigger occurs, they get tunnel vision and focus completely on fulfilling their base needs. They act on impulse without consideration for consequences- similar to teenage behavior. They often actually feel remorse for their transgressions, but will likely continue to engage in impulsive extramarital behavior without professional help.
Sometimes cheating is a response to an unhealthy relationship. Adulterers may try to exercise control in their lives when they feel confined and restricted by their partners or family responsibilities. They may verbally express their frustrations before resorting to outside entertainment. But if they feel ignored or pushed aside they may feel justified in stepping out.
Speaking of family life, many affairs begin in an effort to relieve the pressures of life and love. When marriage troubles become too much or parenting puts a strain on the relationship, some partners will stray to remind themselves of their carefree single life.
Cheating is not always easy to spot. But understanding why someone may stray can give you insight and help prevent marital problems in the first place. Get to know what goes on in your partner's head before committing to them. Pay attention to how they were raised. And keep close tabs on how they behave in other situations. All of this is valuable information and will give you clues about their risk of breaking their marriage vows.