10 things to say to your husband when marriage is hard

If you feel like everything you say makes it worse, try saying these 10 things instead.

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  • When your relationship is on unstable ground, it can be hard to know what to say. Every word could be misunderstood and lead to an argument. Sometimes it feels safer to say nothing at all.

  • But this "safe" route is actually destroying your relationship. You need to say something but it's important to say the right thing.

  • Here are 10 things to say to your husband that will help improve your relationship:

  • 1. "Help me understand"

  • Fixing marital issues requires a lot of communication. Open yourself up to see the situation from his point of view. Resist the urge to contradict him or to explain your side of the issue. Just listen, nod and ask questions.

  • 2. "I need you"

  • Men need to feel needed. When you don't allow your husband to help and support you, he feels superfluous. Never project your independence so much that he feels he is unnecessary. Make sure he knows that you rely on him and that his role in your life is vital.

  • 3. "Let's get away"

  • You'd be surprised by how much a little separation from reality can make in the quality of your relationship. Get away from work, the kids, household chores and daily worries for as long as you can. Sometimes you might only be able to get away for an hour, but a little time away is better than none.

  • 4. "I trust you"

  • Marital challenges are either a source of increased or decreased trust in relationships. When marriage is hard, see it as an opportunity to develop trust and come out stronger. In these times, one of the most powerful things you can do is to assure your husband that you trust him.

  • 5. "I love you because ..."

  • A helpful relationship exercise is to identify the specific reasons you care about your husband. Reflecting on specifics helps you to remember positives you've been overlooking. Create a concrete list and share it with your husband either all at once or a little bit every day.

  • 6. "You are worth it"

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  • With all of the challenges you may be facing in your relationship, it can be easy to project that you don't value your husband. Let him know that the hardships don't decrease his worth as your husband. You are willing to work through these challenges because he's worth it.

  • 7. "I'm sorry"

  • Chances are, not every challenge your relationship is facing is your husband's fault. Sincerely evaluate yourself and discover what issues you need to take responsibility for. Vocalize an apology for your participation in your marriage's challenges.

  • 8. "I forgive you"

  • While you need to take responsibility for some issues in your relationship, not everything is your fault. When challenges come as a direct result of your husband's actions, you need to let your husband know that even though he made mistakes, you are willing to put them in the past.

  • 9. "Thank you"

  • Showing even a tiny bit of gratitude can go a long way. Don't underestimate the power of showing your spouse you appreciate them for cooking pancakes or just for passing the pancakes. Saying "thanks" will directly influence the overall quality of your relationship.

  • 10. "I stand by you"

  • With all of your challenges, your husband needs to know that you will be by his side no matter what. He should know that you want to work through your issues because you choose to, not because you're obligated to.

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Melinda Fox has a bachelor's degree in English and is a member of the FamilyShare content team. She loves Shakespeare, listening to her favorite songs on repeat and journaling.

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