What your husband wants you to change, but doesn’t know how to tell you

What is your husband really trying to say when he tells you to "relax" and "sit down”? It's not just his obstructed view of the TV he's worried about; he's worrying about you.

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  • Husbands are notoriously bad at communication, especially when it comes to sensitive topics. But the truth is, sometimes they tell their wives exactly what they mean, but their wives just aren't always listening.

  • How often has your husband said, "Sit down, relax!" or "Stop cleaning and come watch the movie," or, "Would you quit working and come sit by me?" They're not really complaining about your work ethic or dedication to a tidy home. On the contrary, most husbands are very appreciative of their wives' commitment to cleanliness. What they do mind, though, is when women take that commitment to the extreme, wearing themselves out trying to do it all, when in reality, the only permanently clean home is one with nobody in it. There won't be a day devoid of work until the day you die.

  • So what is it husbands don't know how to tell their wives? It's something along the lines of, "Honey, I love you. Thank you for your hard work. But I worry you're wearing yourself too thin. There's such thing as too much work, you know. Please take care of yourself, because I don't know what I'd do without you."

  • Here are some reasons why women should listen to their husbands' poorly communicated pleas.

  • Stress leads to marital tension

  • It's well-known that stress can make you irritable, but it also can threaten your marriage. When irritation with work or an untidy house boil over into your interactions with your spouse, your marital relationship suffers.

  • "Women are more likely to transfer [negative stress] to their spouses and subsequently report more problems with their marriages," oureverydaylife.com said, quoting Lisa Neff and Benjamin Karney, writers for the "Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin." They also say, "The depression and anxiety that may accompany stress can lead to decreased marital satisfaction."

  • If you feel stress from work or from an untidy home, ask your spouse for help. He likely wants to know what he can do to help but doesn't know how to ask, or is afraid you'll be offended if he does. Cut him some slack and let him help.

  • Couples need one-on-one time

  • Are you replacing your one-on-one time with your husband with other activities? While there are many important tasks that must be done, from feeding the children to changing laundry to the dryer to getting that big project done for work, nothing should take precedence over improving and preserving your marriage.

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  • Lyss Stern, a mother of three and CEO of DivaMoms.com told nydailynews.com, "If you want to keep your marriage alive, you must, must, must make a date night once a week. If we didn't make a date night, we'd be two ships passing in the night."

  • Stern, who has been married for 13 years, also added, "Lying in bed watching Netflix...is not going to do it."

  • Exhaustion leads to illness

  • There are no awards for working yourself to the bone. In fact, if you neglect your health, it won't matter how recently your sheets have been washed or how perfectly made your bed is. You'll soon be laid up in that bed exhausted and miserable because your body's immune system decides it can't keep up with your mad pace anymore.

  • "You have the ability to juggle work, family and dozens of responsibilities, tasks and errands within each arena. You manage to get things done and get them done well. You do in a day what it would take five people to do in a week. But it's not without a price," says workingmother.com writer Debi Silber. She calls the fog women develop "adrenal fatigue" brought on by elevated cortisol (the stress hormone) and lack of sleep.

  • The solution? Stop it. Sit down, relax, as your husband has been begging, and take care of yourself. Make sure you're eating healthy, taking your vitamins, and getting enough sleep. There is simply no shortcut to good health; it's time to start following that advice you dispense so freely to your husband, children, and extended family members.

  • Immune-IQ can provide your immune system with the tools and resources it needs right when you need it. Take care of yourself - and your immune system - first, and then you'll be able to take care of everyone, and everything, else.

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Katie Nielsen received her bachelor's in English with an emphasis in technical writing. She has taught English and is a published writer.

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