Here is a list of 15 things you can and should quit today to save your marriage from a lot of trouble down the road.
1. Quit saying, "You always ... " or "You never ... "
"You always ruin my plans," and, "You never care about my needs or the kids," are examples of harmful and toxic accusations that can easily degrade your husband's self-esteem.
Starting a conversation with an accusation ignites a fight-or-flight response. It hurts his feelings enough to either make him shut down and hide from the issue or come back fighting.
The best thing to do in this tricky situation is to quit accusing and start working on finding solutions together.
2. Quit comparing your husband to people from the past
Let the past stay in the past. Constantly bringing up previous relationships destroys your husband's self-esteem because it shows him where you are investing your thoughts. Thinking and living in a past relationship is a sign to your husband you are not enjoying the relationship you are in now.
3. Quit acting like you're just hanging in there
Quit making passive comments to neighbors and friends about the tentative and rocky state of your relationship. Mentioning you are "just hanging in there" or "just staying afloat" is negative and harmful to your husband's self-esteem. It diminishes his faith in your marriage. A man wants to know he is in a supportive and stable relationship, not a relationship you are just trying to endure.
4. Quit bringing up skepticism
Never bring up the things you were skeptical about before you got married to your husband. It is upsetting and discouraging to hear your spouse had reservations about committing her life to you and may still have skepticism today.
5. Quit blaming your child's quirky and strange traits on your husband
It is hurtful to blame the negative or less-desirable traits of your child on your husband's genes or behavior. Do not blame your child's misbehavior and naughty antics on something out of your husband's control.
In-laws can drive a thick wedge between husband and wife. But, with proper communication between partners, the negative effects can be minimized. Quit talking poorly of your husband's parents.
Instead, talk to your husband about the specific issues you have in your relationship with your in-laws and try to work out a solution together that equally respects both parties involved.
7. Quit addressing his failures
Your husband has flaws today and he will still have flaws tomorrow; no one is perfect. Quit addressing your husband's shortcomings every day. Instead, try having a nightly meeting where you both discuss what went well with the day and what could go better tomorrow.
8. Quit focusing on your social media life
Your husband does not want you to only be happy when you are posing for a picture. He wants you to be happy all the time.
9. Quit dragging your parents and family into your marital problems
Focus on fixing your marriage with the help of your spouse and not with the help of your family. Dragging other individuals into the conflict will only make the situation worse and can create harbored feelings of resentment and mistrust.
Your husband cannot be your girlfriend. He loves to talk about your day and hear about your thoughts, but he cannot be your gossip buddy or girl-talk buddy. Your husband feels hurt when he cannot fulfill the role you think he should.
11. Quit being ungrateful
Every individual has their own unique love language. Some offer service; others give physical touch, quality time, gifts or words of affirmation. Although your husband may not match your exact love language, take the time to recognize his language.
Understanding how he shows you love will help you find more reasons to be appreciative for all the sacrifices he makes for you and your family.
12. Quit trying to teach him how to parent
A child thrives from having both a strong mother and father. Each parent provides different value the child can grow and thrive on, and neither value is better than the other. Do not put your husband down because he parents differently than you.
Understand a man will be a man at times. He will wear his old college t-shirt and cheer on his favorite football team, he will eat ice cream shirtless at two in the morning, and he will take part in a video-game all-nighter. He will be rough around the edges at times, but he will also polish up for serious moments too.
14. Quit judging his spirituality
Pray for the two of you to come together as a unit to tackle the challenges the world throws your way. Together, find a spiritual foundation of faith and support you can fall back on in your relationship.
The small everyday complaints build up to create large and unnecessary fights that hurt your relationship. Take the time to recognize the small harmful things you say and try to find ways to eliminate them or rephrase them.