8 ways to choose the perfect guy

Because finding the perfect guy is no simple task.

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  • I first heard about the Psalm 112 man in a theology class at my alma mater. Our campus pastor at the time opened his Bible on the podium and boomed through the lecture hall: "You young ladies will want to listen up to this, because this passage outlines what you need to look for in a man." I listened up - and never forgot it.

  • Psalm 112 outlines the traits of a righteous person. Equally applicable to men and to women, the psalm describes how a godly person lives out his or her life practically, giving us some real principles to work with beyond the sometimes-abstract character of righteousness and godly behavior.

  • Unfortunately, many young women are told to simply "date a Christian" with no elaboration on what that looks like or means. As I sat in that lecture hall listening to Pastor Carson, I looked out at hundreds of young, probably-Christian men. The options seemed endless. But not all Christian men are living out their faith with the dedication necessary to lead a home and family. Any guy can call himself a Christian. Not every man can live it out.

  • This is why I love Psalm 112. This passage gives biblical guidelines for evaluating the men a young woman might date - guidelines that demand more than a verbal testimony while revealing that every man will "spiritually lead" according to the will and work of God in his individual life. So below, let's explore some of the qualities to look for in a Psalm 112 man.

  • 1. He reveres God and delights in His Word (v. 1)

  • The Psalm 112 man has a healthy recognition of God's greatness; a recognition that cultivates humility of heart.

  • God's greatness, in contrast to our weakness, and His holiness in contrast to our sin produces an appreciation for His grace. This is the most fundamental element of a strong walk with God. The man who sees himself as "pretty good" will never appreciate all God has done for him, and this lack of gratitude will quickly show in his behavior - which leads to his delight (or lack thereof) in the Word of God.

  • A man who loves God and is grateful for His grace will appreciate the guidance of God's Word. But the man (or woman, really) who sees God as the cosmic fun police will not seek out or enjoy God's Word. To him, the Bible is just another means of limiting his "Christian freedom." A godly man puts his allegiance to Christ above the privilege of freedom, an action that leads to consistently righteous behavior.

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  • 2. He is relationally, financially, and spiritually wise (v. 2-3)

  • "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" (Prov. 1:7) is proven in this psalm. A righteous man is wise because he fears God. Because God is first in his life, every other decision is made in light of that priority. He will love his wife the way Christ loves the church; he will handle his money as a gift from the Lord; and he will disciple his family in the truth that saved him.

  • Wisdom is "knowledge applied." There are a lot of Christian guys who know the verses, the words, and the songs, but they don't know how to apply those "church facts" to daily life. Their faith is surface deep; a little more than fire insurance and a lot less than transformation.

  • A wise man might actually be the "boring" man. Many of the wise men I've met aren't leading Bible studies and eagerly reaching for microphones - they are quietly working in business, engineering, or entrepreneurship, winning those around them with their faithfulness, dedication, and love for God. Sometimes the wisest of men are the quietest of leaders.

  • 3. He is gracious, compassionate, and righteous (v. 4)

  • This verse is self-explanatory and unsurprising. If a man is walking closely with God, delighting in His Word, and living in wisdom, the traits of grace, compassion, and righteousness will come naturally to him. They are fruits of the Spirit (Gal. 6) that lives in his heart.

  • What is more obvious (and easier to point out) is the opposing behavior: a man who is entitled, hardened, or hedonistic. Graciousness flows from a heart that knows grace. Those who have experienced grace have an easier time giving it; but those who think they don't need God's grace will be consequently far less compassionate on those around them. The man who lives with a hardened, entitled heart will make choices based on what suits him first.

  • 4. He is generous and steadfast (v. 5-6)

  • I should probably start by discussing what it means to be "steadfast", because this trait leads to generosity. To be steadfast is to "hold firm," to be immovable. God is steadfast in His love for us. Steadfast in verb form could be written as "to stand fast." It means you don't budge from your position.

  • The man who is steadfast in faith knows that God will provide for him. Because of this faith, he is able to be generous. This kind of man isn't miserly and penny pinching (though he is financially wise, as previously discussed). To the measure God has blessed him, he also gives.

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  • 5. He has faith in God's will and timing (v. 7)

  • Closely tied to the previous point is this man's faith. He has no fear of bad news. His heart is immovably entrusted to the Lord God, where he can rest in the security that only comes from Him.

  • This is important for single girls to note. A godly man may be very slow to pursue a woman he admires because he will not rush God's timing. I have known many godly young men to take months praying over whether or not to pursue a certain woman - for reasons such as God's timing, the state of their own heart, or a desire to protect the heart of the girl. Godly men don't jump into relationships for the sake of having a relationship. This being the case, they will take longer than your run-of-the-mill desperate Joe before deciding how and when to pursue. So be patient.

  • 6. He is bold (v. 8)

  • Because the Psalm 112 man is secure in God's provision, will and timing, he is bold in his words and actions! He is not afraid to speak up for what he believes when the opportunity comes. He is not afraid to be a witness to those in his path.

  • Here is where many young women are misled by the stereotypical "spiritual leader." Just because a guy is great with words, prays beautiful prayers, and holds a microphone does not mean he is automatically a "spiritual leader." The loudest man in the room - or the most visible - is not always the best leader present. He may be a great leader, but he is likely surrounded by many other men who equal him in leadership skills, though not in visibility.

  • 7. He is conscious of the needs of others (v. 9)

  • The verse actually says "he freely gives to the poor," which we discussed when we talked about his generosity. But generosity comes from a heart that recognizes a need. The Psalm 112 man may be bold and strong, but he is also loving and kind. This can be a difficult balance for men to strike and remember - no man will do this perfectly. Your only choice of a mate is a sinner saved by grace.

  • But it is this grace that will color his vision of the world and help him see people through eyes of compassion. The combination of strength and grace in the heart of a man is the truest reflection of his dedication to Jesus, because Jesus was the "Shepherd King." Jesus never compromised the truth, but welcomed the weak and needy into his arms.

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  • How a man responds to the needs of others (not you) while dating is a telltale sign of how he will one day respond to your needs as his wife. We all put "best face forward" in relationships. Someday that façade will fall away and his true character will be revealed - a character you can probably glimpse in his conversations with other guys, how he speaks to your friends, and how well he respects your elderly family and members of the church.

  • 8. He will be hated for his righteousness, but his legacy will last (v. 9-10)

  • Perhaps surprisingly, the Psalm 112 is not liked by everyone who knows him. In fact, there is a large faction of folks who resent his righteousness and success. They feel threatened by his marriage, his family, and his dedication to God. Because the gospel offends the world and the Psalm 112 man is dedicated to the gospel, he will be persecuted for what he believes.

  • Godly men aren't always as "cool" as some of the guys in the church. They might not have all the physical qualities Hollywood sets as the standard. But in the end, the man who worked and loved and fought for his God and his family will win and his legacy will last - and the guy with the great hair and cool car and shallow faith will be remembered only for those few things he possessed in, rather than contributed to, his world.

  • With which man would you want to build a future?

  • To which man would you entrust your heart, your home, and your children?

  • You won't find all these qualities out in one date. You might go out with four or five guys before you meet one whose heart is wholly God's (which is perfectly acceptable when you are asking yourself, "How holy can I be?" in your dating relationships). And remember that no relationship is wasted if you lived it out in a way that honored God - even if it didn't end in marriage. You still learned, and you are still learning.

  • But let these principles, given in God's word, be your guide as you look for God's man. And to the measure you use for a potential spouse, remember - he'll be using the same measure for you. So spend your time becoming the kind of Psalm 112 woman who can partner with a Psalm 112 man - and that will be marriage leaving the world with no doubt they have seen a glimpse of the glory of God.

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  • Editor's note: This article was originally published on Phylicia Delta. It has been modified and republished here with permission.

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Pro-Jesus, pro-woman, pro-life, and pro-coffee: that's how Phylicia Masonheimer describes herself. She blogs about living life with intention in every stage - single, married, or married with kids. From habit-forming to feminism, morning routines to modesty, she writes about putting feet to our theology in the everyday moments of life.

Website: http://phyliciadelta.com

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