There are some situations in your marriage that may seem normal, or acceptable, and while some situations are harmless, if left alone, they can build. Eventually these actions can lead to your marriage ending in divorce.
Here are 6 basic marriage situations to watch out for:
We all live with kind of routine. We need to in order to function properly. There are some things that must be done every day in order to survive, but when we follow the same routine over and over again it can be boring. You no longer have excitement or spontaneity in your relationship, and it can grow stale.
Being spontaneous is what keeps things exciting in your marriage. You don't have to throw your schedule out completely, but make sure that you are keeping space available for a romantic weekend away, taking a drive in the mountains, or having a picnic under the stars. Don't forget that even though life can be monotonous, it does not need to be boring.
2. Spending too much time apart
Sometimes our jobs take us away from each other, or we are so busy running kids around, volunteering in the community, and doing 500 other things that we spend most of our time apart. When we are apart from our spouse it is easy to get disconnected with each other. We start to get used to doing things without the other one, and it may be hard to adjust to spending time together. There may be a really good reason that you are spending a lot of time apart, but is it more important than your relationship with your spouse?
4. Separate interests
Couples do not have to have the same taste in everything. In fact, it is good to have some hobbies that you do separately, but you should have some similar interests. When you do not share a hobby with each other, you are at risk of spending all of your free time apart. You need something that you enjoy doing together. When you have a common interest, it builds your relationship, gives you something to do, and allows you to talk, share, and be passionate about something together. This only strengthens your relationship.
Kids can really bring you together as a couple. You are now working as a team to raise another person. But kids can also pull you apart. If you start putting your kids before your spouse, this could cause problems. You need to keep working on your relationship with each other, despite how tired, busy or preoccupied you are with your kids. If you do not share similar parenting styles, this could also be a contentious topic. Make sure you talk about how you want to raise your children before you have them, and if there are differences, figure out a way to work them out before you find yourself in the moment without a solution.
It is okay to not agree on everything with your spouse, as long as you agree to disagree. If you can both understand that it is okay to have a difference of opinion, then you have a healthy relationship. But, if you constantly fight about the same thing, or get upset when your spouse does not agree with you on every point, this could lead you down a path that pushes you apart.
It can be hard to understand why someone thinks one way about something when you think another. It may even upset you that your spouse does not take your side, but that's okay. If you agreed on everything, then your conversations may be a bit boring. It is good to see things from multiple perspectives and debate an issue, just as long as you can put your differences aside and end your conversation with a smile and a kiss.
7. Not saying you're sorry
When couples fight, and they do fight, it is important that the argument has an end and that you kiss and make up.
If you let it linger, the tension between the two of you will only grow bigger and bigger. Apologizing for fighting, and for what caused the fight, is important in a relationship. Being humble, accepting your faults, and realizing that you did something that hurt your spouse is important. Even if you feel what you did was not a big deal, or not your fault. You do not get to decide if what you did hurt someone else. You do, however, get to decide if you will take the steps to resolve the problem or not. If you never say you're sorry, or insist that you are never wrong, this will cause discord in your relationship. You have to be willing to say you're sorry.
Each of these basic situations can and will come up in a marriage. The danger comes when you do not make adjustments to resolve the above situations. If you are spending too much time apart, try making adjustments in your schedule. Perhaps let go of one of your activities, or better yet, start to do an activity that you can do with your spouse. If you are fighting about the same things all the time, learn to disagree respectfully and try saying you're sorry.
It's okay to have differences, just keep an eye out for some of these warning signs.