6 things the mother of your children needs to hear

She works hard. And she needs to hear these things often.

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  • Motherhood is an amazing, difficult job. Moms need to hear things that reassure them that they are doing a good job; things that comfort them and help them continue to keep up the work they are doing. When these words come from him — the person whose opinion matters more than anyone else's — it makes a huge difference. Here are six things that the mother of your children needs to hear:

  • I love you

  • Telling the mother of your children that you love her is even more important now that you have kids. Kids bring a whole new dynamic to your relationship, and you don't have nearly the amount of alone time together that you used to have. A woman puts her body through a lot when she conceives and gives birth to a child, but it doesn't stop there. Some days she is covered in spit-up and poop. Most days she doesn't have time to put on makeup, and she keeps rotating the same three pairs of yoga pants throughout the week. She can feel exhausted, unattractive and distant from you. Make sure that you calm any doubts by telling her you love her daily.

  • You are doing a great job with the kids

  • Women need reassurance. They need to know that you are proud of how your kids act, look and behave. It is easy to blame someone else when your kids act up or don't eat their veggies. It is natural to point out the negative things you see in your children and how you could be doing more to make them better or change those habits. Instead, see the countless (and I mean countless) things she does do for your kids, and tell her she is doing a great job. Parenting is hard, and a lot of the responsibility falls on the mother. Letting her know how amazing she is will encourage her to keep up her good work.

  • Thank you

  • Just saying thanks is a big deal. Thanking her for the things she does for your children is important. It helps her to feel like what she is doing is appreciated. It may be the thing that motivates her to fold one more load of laundry, or change one more dirty diaper. It may be the words that help her maintain her patience through a temper tantrum, or give her the strength to get up in the middle of the night to soothe a crying baby. Don't forget to say thank you; and say it often.

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  • The kids are amazing because you ...

  • ... read to them every night; somehow get them to love brushing their teeth; help them feel confident. Whatever you are seeing your kids do as a result of something she did, give her credit. Be specific. Let her know that you are seeing the little things she does; the little efforts she makes that most people may not notice. This will make her whole day. She wants you to know all the things she does for your kids, but it is not the same when she has to tell you. It is better when you notice on your own.

  • I trust your judgment

  • Sometimes moms have instincts about their children that may not make sense to you. Some people call it a mom sense, or a mother's intuition. It is important for mothers to follow this instinct, and having your support is vital. Tell her that you trust her judgment. You know she is not paranoid or crazy, and if she thinks it is a good idea, it probably is!

  • I love seeing you as a mom

  • When women have kids, they change. They treat their children differently than their friends, parents and significant others. They have to raise and teach these little humans, and doing this changes who they are. By telling her that you love seeing her be a mom means the world to her. Knowing that you find her even more beautiful as a mother matters a lot.

  • Parenting is a wonderful, beautiful thing; but it can also be exhausting, scary and hard. Being supportive and encouraging, and telling her that she is doing a good job makes all the difference in the world.

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Megan Shauri graduated with a bachelors in anthropology and a masters in psychology. She is a mother of twins.

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