It isn’t chance or dumb luck that makes the difference between a happy marriage and an unhappy one; it’s a mindset—one that can be adopted by any wife, anywhere. Here are 5 truths only happy wives know.
As a certified assertiveness coach and spiritual teacher, I see a lot of women who have bought into the lie that other people are responsible for meeting their needs, whether it be for love, acceptance, physical comforts, support or happiness. Unfortunately, many wives fall victim to this mentality and have come to believe their happiness depends on their husbands—in other words, that their marriage alone will complete them and that their husbands alone will bring them joy. But it doesn't happen that way.
In my practice I help unhappy women become joyful and powerful by teaching them to solve their own problems and meet their own needs. Here are 5 mindsets these women learn to turn their marriages around and become happy wives for life.
Happy wives don't expect their husbands to read their minds
Wouldn't it be great if our husbands just automatically knew what we needed? Yeah, and winning the lottery would be pretty great too. But neither of these are likely to happen. Men are actually less attuned to non-verbal cues and emotional subtleties than women, which means they're not going to get it when you are steaming mad but don't say a thing (let alone figure out why). Happy wives know this, and they act accordingly.
Instead of giving the cold shoulder or answering inquiries with a flat, "I'm fine," happy wives are direct in their communication. They speak up when they're upset, and they tell their husbands what they need. This includes being clear about asking for help around the house: They don't nag, drop hints or complain dramatically about how much work they have to do. They state the problem, "I'm buried in housework and feeling really stressed," ask kindly for help, "Would you please take out the trash and clean the kitchen?" and accept it with gratitude, "Thank you so much. I love it when we work as a team."
Happy wives take responsibility for their feelings
Happy wives don't resort to dramatics and sarcasm when there's a conflict, and they don't blame or complain. Happy wives manage their emotions and own their feelings, understanding that they alone are responsible for how they act and what they say. They know no matter how wrong they feel their husbands are, nothing justifies berating another person or treating them with blatant anger and disrespect. These wives own up to their words and deeds, apologize when necessary and don't make it their husband's job to calm their crazy.
The Beatles may have taught that love is all you need, but happy wives know better: They know we all need a little space every now and then, and they respect a husband's need for his own time.
While it can be hurtful to feel like your husband would rather play video games than watch a movie with you, happy wives don't take it personally. They know their value and worth doesn't depend on the attention of others, and they don't rely on their husbands to fulfill all of their emotional needs. Instead, they appreciate the opportunity to recharge and rejuvenate, spend time on private hobbies, nurture relationships with family and friends and just reconnect with who they are as an individual.
Happy wives allow their husbands to be where they're at in life
When you've been married for a while, it's all too tempting to want to ever so "tactfully" point out the ways in which your husband can improve. Happy wives, however, resist the urge and instead focus their efforts on appreciating their husbands for who they are. What's more, these women know it's their love that makes another person flourish, so they make it a point to compliment their husbands and show their gratitude whenever possible.
I believe the universal truth that what we focus on expands. When women seek out the good qualities in their men rather than dwelling on the bad, their husbands transform—often with miraculous results.
Happy wives know they alone must create their own happiness
I believe the number 1 reason why women are unhappy is because their needs are not being met. But happy wives know it's up to themselves to meet their own needs, not up to their husbands. Alan Cohen, author of "A Course in Miracles Made Easy," describes a healthy, loving marriage this way: "Your partner is not the screen onto which you project your unmet needs and upsets, but instead a cherished companion whom you enfold with ever-deeper appreciation."
What's more, the happiest wives know that a healthy marriage takes 2 happy people who are secure in themselves and their love for each other. As Cohen states, "Your purpose together is not to offset each other's deficiencies, but to honor and express your already-existing sufficiency. ... [Marriage] is a vehicle to bring forth the best in both of you and fan your light so it shines as brightly as possible."
Lindsay is a Certified Assertiveness Coach and spiritual teacher helping women solve their own problems, meet their own needs, and follow their inner guidance by listening to the lessons their emotions teach.