A morning in the life of a 45-year-old wife, mother and grandma

I know that He is aware of me. He sees me. He knows how hard I try.

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  • I'm awake. My alarm chimes the wake up tune.

  • Another day, another chance to breathe, another opportunity to laugh and to smile.

  • My feet hit the floor, the morning chill slams me back to my reality. The, now normal, blanket of self-doubt wraps around me.

  • Looking in the mirror, I scrutinize the pillow lines embedded in my skin...just kidding those are my wrinkles. Real honest-to-goodness wrinkles. When did this happen?

  • After brushing my hair, I gather the fur ball that has gathered at my feet. How, I wonder, how do I still have hair on my head?

  • Putting on my clothes, I tuck and position my parts to fit into something that used to slide right on. I glance at myself in the half mirror not wanting to use the full one. I don’t think anyone will notice the protruding lump oozing over the top of my jeans; my shirt is baggy enough.

  • I kiss my love goodbye and wonder as I walk away...Do you see me? Do you know how hard I try? I hope you think I'm pretty. I wonder sometimes. Do you still tremble at my touch? When I whisper, "I love you," does it make your heart skip? I wonder these things because you matter to me. I hope I matter to you.

  • Time keeps moving, so I push those thoughts aside. I have to focus on physical sustenance now...gathering my lunch for the day, which as I’ve gotten older, now consists of a small produce department and a palm size piece of meat. It tastes good, really.

  • As I step out into the cold and my breath plooms in front of my face, my thoughts seem to appear just as quickly. They race over all the kids faces. I hope they are happy. I hope they succeed today. I hope they are treated well and are treating others with thoughtfulness and compassion. I hope they are grateful for all they have. I wonder if they will be on time and if they were they able to get their homework done. I hope they’re doing their best at work. I hope they are making good choices. I hope they know I love them, and I think about them throughout the day.

  • As quickly as they appeared they evaporate like my breath into the air. On my drive to work I converse with Heavenly Father...careful to keep my eyes open. (Not that I’ve ever made that mistake before. Just something to be aware of.)

  • As I have my daily drive with God, I am reminded of all I have and I have to be grateful for.

  • I’m reminded that I am enough.

  • I know that He is aware of me. He sees me. He knows how hard I try. I am beautiful in His eyes, and I am of worth.

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  • By the time I get to work my self-doubt blanket has now become my cape! I am ready to conquer the stairs to the 3rd floor...another choice that I tell myself is for my own good! I fly, I use the term loosely, to my office and I sit behind my desk gasping for air.

  • I’m thankful for another day...another chance to breath...another opportunity to laugh and to smile. A morning in a life of a 45-year-old daughter of God! Shine today!

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