What to do if you happen to hate sex

Whether you’ve been married for a day or for 20 years, you know a big part of a healthy marriage is sexual intimacy. But what do you do if you're not a fan of it?

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  • Marriage comes with many great expectations — one of the big ones being sexual activity with your spouse. But what happens if you hate sex?

  • If you were to talk to any marriage therapist or marriage counselor, they would tell you that it is important to not only have emotional intimacy, but also physical intimacy within your marriage.

  • Some wives find themselves asking the question, "Is this something I really have to do for the rest of our married life?!"

  • For those of you who find yourself cringing rather than running to the bedroom when your husband is in the mood, here are some tips for helping you feel more comfortable about having sex:

  • Talk about it

  • This is an important tip when it comes to hating sex, because sex involves two people — meaning you and your husband. If you don't communicate to him your feelings, then he might assume it has something to do with him; that maybe you are not attracted to him anymore or that you are angry at him for something. Most likely neither of these are the case. Let him know that it doesn't have anything to do with him, and usually you will find him to be understanding and supportive.

  • Let go of pre-conceived notions

  • Movies, TV and even some books will make sex seem like the most important thing in the world. This can make a person who doesn't find it quite so enjoyable feel abnormal and they have something wrong with them. This is false. Sex is supposed to be a loving act performed between you and your husband; so if you feel apprehension about sex, then his the only opinion you need to worry about. Don't let other people or pop-culture make you feel worse about something you are already insecure about.

  • Find ways to get in the "mood"

  • For some women it takes a lot of work to get in the "mood." This goes back to talking it over with your husband. Together you can discuss what would make you feel more comfortable, whether that is having a romantic dinner, cuddling together, talking to each other or anything else to make you feel more intimate. You will find by doing this, the chances of you associating romantic thoughts with sex rather than the physical act itself will make you more open to it, or at least more comfortable.

  • Psych yourself up

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  • I do not mean this literally, but rather in the sense of getting your game face on; meaning there is a chance that you are over thinking things when it comes to being physically intimate with your husband. Remember that sex between a husband and wife is the act of making love and creating life, and is so much more than just a wifely duty you have perform. So when the time comes, try getting out of your own head and focus on how in love you are with your husband.

  • See a professional

  • This is something very important — especially for someone who finds they hate sex for physical or emotional reasons, such as sex is painful,previous abuse, etc. Don't be afraid to seek out a professional who might be able to key into a more central reason behind your lack of desire, if there is one. The good thing about a professional is that they know what they are doing, and most likely this is something they have dealt with often enought to know how to help.

  • Sex is still only one component of a marriage, so make sure to focus on all the wonderful parts of being with your husband. Together you can find ways to turn your hatred toward sex into love.

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Tamsyn Valentine is part of the content team at FamilyShare.com. She graduated with a degree in communication with an emphasis in public relations and journalism.

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