Why your marriage problems may not be your fault

Note to self: Never forget that life is not always about you.

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  • Sometimes I ignore my husband.

  • There, I said it. But before you jump to conclusions, allow me to clarify - it's not for the reason you probably think.

  • You see, there's a very important lesson I learned from my mother that I carried into my own marriage as well. It has helped me immensely, and I truly believe it can help you too. And that is: Your marriage problems aren't always your fault. Because it isn't always about you.

  • Consider this example:

  • Say tomorrow night your husband comes home from work, and he's in a terrible mood. He snaps at you because the house is a wreck. He raises his voice at the kids for being too rambunctious. He complains about this, that and the other thing, and then goes out to the garage to be by himself for a while. Yikes!

  • How do you respond?

    • Do you feel terribly guilty because he's right - the house is a wreck and the kids were being way too noisy? You should have taken care of all of that before he got home so he could come home and relax.

    • Do you get angry because who is he to judge?? You had a rough day! He should have seen what the house looked like an hour ago!

    • Do you get insecure because, after all, you really aren't that great of a homemaker and no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to keep up?

    • Do you feel like a failure, because no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to make him happy?

    • OR do you take the time to find out why he's ACTUALLY upset? Because it may not be the reason that you think.

  • The truth is, your husband is human. While there will be times when your husband really is mad at you for whatever reason, there will also be just as many, if not more, times when he's just mad for no good reason at all. Or for a good reason that has nothing to do with you. Like a bad day at work, an argument with a friend or just a plain ol' rotten day.

  • The truth is, sometimes he will have good days, and sometimes he will have bad days. Sometimes he will be happy, carefree and playful, but sometimes he will be distant, angry, sullen, depressed, anxious or downright mean.

  • This doesn't mean it's right of him to take it out on you of course. And if it becomes a habitual thing, it's time to take action and get out of a bad situation. But if it's just a plain old bad day every once in a while, why not just let it go? Ignore it.

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  • Ignore the grouchiness. Ignore the annoying remarks. Ignore the scowling, whatever it is that he does. If it's not about you, there's no need to take it personally. And there's definitely no need to try to "get back at him" and give him the same treatment in return. What is that going to help?

  • Instead of just ignoring your husband's areas for potential improvement, sometimes it's necessary to ignore your spouse's negative words and bad mood as well.

  • NOT that you don't care and not that you don't take responsibility when you need to.

  • But sometimes, if your spouse is just plain having a bad day, the best thing you can do is just understand - it's not always about you! No need to get all upset, insecure or paranoid. No need to try to talk about it so you can overanalyze the situation to death. No need to cry, pout or pester. Just give him a hug and a kiss or space, depending on what he prefers and that sour mood may just blow over before you know it.

  • Really. As easy as that.

  • Do you ever ignore your husband? Does he ever need to ignore you as well?

  • Editor's note: This article was originally published on Equipping Godly Women. It has been republished here with permission.

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A devoted Christian, wife and mother, Brittany loves helping other women grow in these roles as well. When she isn’t busy taking care of her growing family, you can find her at Equipping Godly Women, where she regularly shares tips, tricks and encouragement to help you be the amazing woman God created you to be. Brittany also has a thriving online community on Facebook as well.

Website: http://equippinggodlywomen.com

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