My whole life, I've dreamed of my fairytale wedding day when I wear a beautiful white dress that sweeps across the floor. The day that I get to cut a cake and get caught up in the blur of love, laughter, and smiles.
But as I've grown, I've noticed people don't like talking about the flowers or the ceremony. They always jump to the end of the fairy tale, and they turn it into something that makes me cringe.
That's the question I've heard more often than I've wanted to. I've heard dozens of wedding-night stories (some in more detail than necessary), and even more wedding-night jokes. Even after getting engaged, I find that I'm thinking about the getaway car and the honeymoon more than the decorations or first dance. But there's one problem:
I don't want to have sex on my wedding night
And no, it's not because I'm scared, insecure, or uptight. I want to break down all my preconceived thoughts about the honeymoon and remember these three things:
1. Don't rush the moment
I had a friend who got married and had a great day, but she and her groom rushed to the hotel room after their wedding day and felt miserable. Why? Because they immediately went straight to the bed, had sex, and went to sleep. They barely kissed, and the new wife felt horrible.
Once you get to the hotel room, take your time. In fact, any time you have sex with your spouse, you should enjoy the moment. Take off your wedding clothes and freshen up. One couple I know even read through their guest book and cards before getting in the mood. You have all night, all honeymoon, and all of your lives. Make it special.
2. Don't put the honeymoon before your wedding
Don't push past your friends and loved ones to leave the reception. So many people who have loved and supported you will take time out of their lives to celebrate your marriage. Everyone is there for you and your new spouse. Don't forget that or take it for granted, no matter how much you're ready to leave or how tired you are.
I also don't want to forget the morning of my wedding, surrounded by my mother and sisters and eagerly waiting to see my almost-husband. I don't want to forget the way my family looks at me and admires the light that will shine from my smile.
The wedding night and honeymoon will be wonderful, but the wedding day and marriage will be so much more memorable when I look back and think about that day.
3. Don't forget to love each other
Beyond the bedroom and after the fairytale week, it may be easy to forget. You'll forget to pick up a gallon of milk; he'll forget to tell you about that golf tournament he has to go to. The fairy tale may seem not-so-fairytale anymore. But through it all, never forget that you chose this person and they chose you.
Your love will carry you through the hardest of days. And no, love cannot solve every problem, but if you solve each problem with love, you'll find happiness forever.
You get one day to be a new bride or groom. You'll sleep in the same bed for the rest of your lives, so don't blow off others just so you can get to your honeymoon. I'm excited for my wedding night, yes, but I'm more excited for our marriage.
Showing our love will happen naturally on my wedding night—I'm not nervous about that. But I don't want to just have sex because it's a checklist item that we have to do. I want to have all the right feelings and memories behind it. I don't want to just have sex on my wedding night because I want something so much more.
Jenna Koford is on the content team at FamilyShare. She graduated with a degree in Communications—Journalism and a minor in editing. Jenna enjoys painting and calligraphy, planning a wedding, and Pinterest and Netflix.