As a husband and father, I see your struggles. I see you work tirelessly to make sure you have your kids' laundry done, they have lunch for school, and they're not fighting with their siblings. You also work, volunteer, and try to keep a clean house. No wonder you feel like you're failing so much. With everything you have going, it's hard to keep up with everything.
Everyone has their struggles. As a mom, you feel your struggles are inexcusable because they so often affect your children. After all, if you forget to pack lunch, that affects your kids. Or if you don't intervene when your kids are fighting, they might hurt each other. Because your struggles don't just affect you, you feel an extra weight on your shoulders. Otherwise simple mistakes have an additional consequence that just feels awful to a mom.
As a mom, you are leaned on a lot by your kids. They ask you to find their homework, ask you to pick out their clothes, and when they need help with their homework, they go to you, too. As a good mom, you try to help as much as you can. So when you drop the ball, you feel bad. Really bad. But just because you make mistakes doesn't mean you're hurting your kids. And it certainly doesn't mean you're failing. In fact, a lot of the mistakes that you make as a mom are helping your kids - and you.
Your mistakes help your kids
When your kids see you make mistakes, it actually makes them feel better about themselves. It helps them see that it's okay to make mistakes,and it helps them feel safe when they do. Your mistakes help your children see that failing is a part of life and helps them to overcome and recover from failures when they experience them.
Seeing you make mistakes also helps your children feel comfortable taking risks and know what risks are safe to make. When they see you make mistakes and recover from them, they feel more comfortable trying new things .They see that just because things may not go as planned doesn't mean that it's life-ending or life-altering. They also learn to have more perseverance through difficulties, because they don't give up as easily.
In addition to helping your kids, your mistakes also help you. When you make mistakes, you take a good, honest look at yourself and your abilities. You're able to see yourself for who you really are. Sure, this might be humbling, but it's a bitter pill that's good medicine.
Everyone has pieces of themselves that they don't like to look at. And we try to cover them up with smiles and laughter. But it takes courage to look at yourself honestly and without makeup. It's the strong part of you that wants to see the weak parts of you.
Your mistakes help you see the weak parts of you, and when you see these weak parts, you can go to work on them. But you would have never known they existed if you didn't fail once in a while.
Love yourself for your mistakes
As a mom, there will be times when you're going to fail. Instead of lamenting every time you do, and beating yourself up about it, embrace it. Love yourself for who you really are.
Pick yourself up by the boots and move forward. You'll soon find that your failures aren't as bad as you think they are. You'll even find out that you're not as bad of a person as you may feel. And the new confidence and love you have for yourself will make all of your failures worth it.
Aaron Anderson is a therapist and Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO. He is a writer, speaker and relationship expert. Checkout his blog for expert information on how to improve your relationship.