Your wife craves affection from you. She literally needs more of it than you are currently offering. And of course, you have your needs too, but this article is about learning to give your wife the affection she craves.
You may think you just aren't the affectionate type, but take heart; you can become the affectionate type. It's true.
It's going to take practice. It will feel awkward and perhaps not-too-genuine at first, but with time, it will become real affection, the kind that comes from the heart. And she'll know it.
Without further ado, here are five ideas you need to try this week:
1. Say "I love you," at least three times a day
Yes, three times. Say it. Even if the words seem to choke on the way up. Get them out.
You can say, "I love you," when you see her coming out of the bathroom first thing in the morning. Or call her up on your way to work, after just having said good-bye, and say it. Or send her an email during the day telling her three things you love about her.
Wrap your arms around her while she is doing something in the kitchen, and whisper, "I love you." Leave a note or letter in her car telling her you love her. Use your favorite nick name for her. Text her. Tell her just before she falls asleep.
Say it when you are in line at the grocery store together. Just say it. At LEAST three times a day, if not more. And mean it.
2. Express your love and adoration of her in public
Yes, public. One of the best ways to help your wife feel like you adore her is to claim her as your own in public.
It's funny how some people (most of them probably without even realizing it), once at a public gathering, or out to dinner with friends, or even at the grocery store, all of a sudden seem to pretend like they don't belong with their spouse. Come on. Don't make that mistake. If you happen to be reunited again in public, make a big deal out of it. Make sure she is the first person you greet and go up to.
Let everyone know she is yours and that you love her. You don't have to be over the top, just be mindful of her. Open her door. Wink at her. Talk to her. Steal a kiss or two. Introduce her to people you may be with. Speak highly of her when you are talking together in a group.
3. Make gifts and surprises the norm. Yes, the norm
Bring her flowers. Or chocolate. Or gum. Or ice cream. Or a new shirt. Or anything she would love. It doesn't have to be expensive, and you don't even have to buy it (homemade gifts are the bomb), but those little outward expressions will let her know that you are thinking about her, and that you actually care that she exists and that you are so lucky she is your wife.
A husband I know recently won huge affection-thoughtful-adoring-husband-points by surprising his wife with a trip to Europe. They both love to travel, and he thoughtfully spent nine-months planning an excursion to Europe. He took care of every detail including babysitting for the kids, all while never saying a word.
The morning of the trip arrived. He woke his wife up and said, "Get dressed, go shopping, we leave for Europe tonight." Needless to say, there were ugly tears involved - happy, ugly tears. And then a day spent bustling around preparing for a surprise getaway to Europe.
Now, you don't have to plan a big trip, but maybe you could plan a surprise date night and surprise your wife with that. That would be good for starters. Do it.
4. Use non-sexual touch to help her feel your love
Yes, non-sexual touch. Your wife LOVES non-sexual touch. You may just think that touch is touch, but to her, touch is often a simple gesture of love.
Give her a massive hug the next time you see her. Put your hand around her waist as you are walking down the street. Hold her face in your hands while you kiss her once and tell her she is beautiful.
Sit next to her on the couch and touch her knee while you talk. Hold her hand in the car. Tickle her. Or just poke her (she loves when you flirt with her). Swat her bum as you walk by. Scratch her back before you go to bed. You get the picture?
Now, the purpose of non-sexual touch is to express love, and the intention should be just that. However, it may just (naturally) lead your wife to want to be more affectionate with you, which naturally will lead to a more fulfilling experience together the next time you make love. And that is a win-win for both of you. Right?
5. Tell her how beautiful she is daily, in public and in private
Yes, daily. Try any of the following comments at least twice a day:
"Man, you are gorgeous."
"I love being married to such a pretty woman."
"Sheesh, I'm pretty sure you are the most beautiful woman on this earth."
Aaron & April are the founders of Nurturing Marriage, a website dedicated to strengthening marriages. They enjoy playing football with their two little boys, watching sports, eating cereal late at night, and going out for frozen yogurt.