My husband and I met in a bar. Having grown up in a pretty conservative Christian environment where drinking was a huge "no-no" (I was raised Baptist after all!), that was something I didn't really like to admit for the longest time. But that's our story, and it's a pretty cute one at that.
We didn't start dating right away. In fact, it wasn't until a few months later that I even considered dating him at all. I mean, everyone knows you're supposed to find a good husband at church, at a Bible study or while doing volunteer work or some such thing–not in a bar! So I think it's understandable that I had a had time taking him seriously at first.
And yet, that's exactly what happened. We met, we fell in love, we got married, we had babies, we bought a house. I make sure he has cold water in the fridge every morning; he brings me home chocolate all the time even though I tell him I need to start eating healthier. Ahhh … married love. And I couldn't be happier.
So … how did I know that he was the one and that I shouldn't be focusing my efforts elsewhere? And more importantly, for all of my readers who are still seeking a Godly husband, how can you know if the guy you are seeing is the right one for you?
While that's a pretty specific question you'll have to answer yourself (with the help of God and your closest Godly friends, of course), here are three INCREDIBLY important questions I asked myself when deciding, and I would highly, highly recommend you do the same!
1. How is his relationship with God?
While it is possible to be married to a non-believer and still be happy, if you are a Christian who is seeking to grow in her faith, you need to choose a husband who is committed to doing the same. Otherwise, if you're seeking to grow closer to God and he's wandering away, the two of you will inevitably end up heading in separate directions, and that can be disastrous for a marriage. Either that or you'll wind up sacrificing your relationship with God in order to grow closer to your husband, and that's not a good option either.
Now, this does NOT mean that your husband has to be a super rock star Christian who has it all together. But, he does need to be committed to God, have a desire to grow in his faith, and want to lead his family to do the same. Trust me, this matters more than you might think.
2. How does he treat others – particularly other women?
Does your boyfriend treat you well? That's nice. Most guys do when they are trying to impress someone. (And if he doesn't, go ahead and get out now. Seriously. There are plenty of fish in the sea. No need to settle.)
Instead of looking JUST at how your boyfriend treats you, look at how he treats all of the other women in his life as well. How does he treat his mother? Is he respectful and loving or selfish and demanding? How does he treat your friends? Is he polite and engaging or is he rude and cold? Does he open doors for women when walking into a restaurant or the mall? These little things mean more than you might think.
Honestly, seeing my now-husband interact with his mother and my friends was one of the biggest things that made me fall in love with him. It was in the moments like these that I saw he wasn't just putting on a show to impress me. He was (and is!) a genuinely great guy with a great heart. And I knew that would translate into how he treated me as well (and it has!!).
3. What kind of person is he really?
One thing you'll notice after you get married is that LOTS of things change. Your looks will change. Your personalities will change. Your hopes, dreams and goals will change. Your likes and dislikes will change. So if the reason you love your boyfriend has anything to do with any of these things … that's not really enough.
But there is one thing about you that will likely never change, and that's the essence of who you are. Are you kind, hardworking or generous? Are you fun-loving, serene or driven? What values do you hold most deeply?
The truth is, marriage isn't about finding someone who will make you happy. It's about finding an amazing person that you can build a great life with. Marriage takes a LOT of hard work, dedication and plain ol' stubborness at times. You need someone by your side who you can count on to fight with you and someone who is worth fighting for.
Don't look for someone nice, or handsome or rich or any of those things that don't really matter and that can easily change. Don't look for someone who makes you happy, because he won't always. Look for a man who is truly amazing inside and out. Someone that you love for who they are, not for how they treat you (but that still treats you well). And if you can find that, you're off to a very good start!
A devoted Christian, wife and mother, Brittany loves helping other women grow in these roles as well. When she isn’t busy taking care of her growing family, you can find her at Equipping Godly Women, where she regularly shares tips, tricks and encouragement to help you be the amazing woman God created you to be. Brittany also has a thriving online community on Facebook as well.