Women sometimes feel like men want only one thing — sex. What you might be missing, however, is the why behind why your husband wants sex so often. It's because he wants to connect with you in the best way he might know how. Sex is an ideal way to connect physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally with your spouse.
What your husband really wants is for you to want to have sex with him; for you to enjoy having sex with him. And for you to initiate it. His deeper sexual needs (and emotional needs), and yours, will be met when you, as the woman, initiate sex, rather than leaving it up to him all the time to see that it happens.
Think back to the last time you initiated sex in your marriage. I know all the excuses that are coming to your mind right now — too tired, don't need it, takes too much energy, no fun for you, etc, etc, etc. No one likes excuses; we all like positive results. If you are too tired, you shouldn't use that as an excuse night after night. You should decide that sex needs to be important to you too, and not just to your husband. You should decide to take a nap to help with fatigue, or grab your hubby by the hand earlier and start loving on him instead of waiting until you fall into bed, exhausted.
It's common knowledge that men are usually the ones making advances on their wives, and are usually more interested in sexual intimacy (at least more regularly). Here are four good reasons why you should change that:
1. Your husband needs to know you are crazy about him
It is super important for your husband to feel and know that he fulfills your every need — both emotional and physical. He also needs to know that the physical part of your relationship isn't one-sided. Your husband doesn't want to feel like he is always the one asking for sex or constantly sending the message that he wants it. What your husband really wants is you. He needs to know that you need him, in a sexual way, just like he needs you. When you show him that you want to have sex with him (and often), it will let him know, in a very obvious way, that he riles you up. He excites you. He ignites passion within you. And that feeling will make him feel more manly and more loved than he has felt in a long time.
2. Sex will become more important to you
One of the best ways for husbands and wives to express love is by having sex together. And it is so much more than just the act of sex. Right now, sex may be something that is enjoyable for you, but not something you think a lot about or need that often. However, when you understand that sex is an opportunity for you to express love to your husband, it will become more important to you and will always rate high on your priorities list. Plus, the more you choose to initiate sex, the more enjoyable and fun it will be for you too; not just for your husband.
3. Sex will be more fulfilling for both you and your husband
Being intimate is, and should be, enjoyable, fun and meaningful.
When you make an effort to initiate sex and to be completely engaged, sex becomes a much more positive and fulfilling experience for both of you. You don't have to fake it or force it — just enjoy it. When you feel like you are really fulfilling your husband in deep ways, you will recognize how much having sex with him fulfills you as well.
As you and your husband both realize that you are initiating sex more, it will send a message that you both care deeply about each other, want to help each other, and want to enjoy each other. When you are excited about making love, your husband will be doubly excited about it in return.
4. It will keep romance alive in your marriage
Trust me: When you make the effort to make sex special, to show up, and to be fully present, you will notice the romance coming back into your marriage. You will notice that as you meet one of your husband's most basic needs, that he will be more apt to focus on ways he can meet your needs to. When you choose to initiate sex (even if it feels awkward initially), then you send a clear message to your husband about how much you care about him and how much you love him. He will feel a greater connection and closeness to you, and will reciprocate the love and affection that he feels. And so, my friends, sparks will fly and you will find yourselves feeling "young and in love," all over again.
In all of this, please don't get overwhelmed. Your husband isn't expecting (or wanting) you to initiate sex every single night. Just try to do it on a regular basis, however the two of you choose to define that. You can do it.
Finally, it's important to remember the purpose for physical intimacy. It's a chance for you and your spouse to truly give yourselves to each other, and to trust each other completely; a time for you to show each other how much you love one another, and how much you mean to each other; a time to truly be selfless.
When you decide to initiate sex more, you will find that intimacy becomes much more beautiful, unifying and fulfilling. Give it try. Your husband is sure to go crazy about it. And who knows; just in trying you may find that your thoughts, feelings, and desires for sex change in very positive ways — all to the nurturing of your marriage.
Aaron & April are the founders of Nurturing Marriage, a website dedicated to strengthening marriages. They enjoy playing football with their two little boys, watching sports, eating cereal late at night, and going out for frozen yogurt.