Trust can mean different things to different people and undoubtedly evokes strong emotions, both in the person who doesn't trust and the person who isn't trusted. But when it comes to feelings, how important is it that your spouse trusts your gut, your conscience or your emotions in general?
If you are getting some unsettling feelings that your spouse doesn't put much faith in how you feel, there are a few ways to decipher the lack of emotional trust in your marriage.
1. He hears without listening
There is a big difference between the mechanism through which you receive sound (hearing) and the processing of the information received (listening). If you get the feeling your spouse is paying attention, but isn't really listening to you, this is a sign he is not concerned with your thoughts or feelings. And this means he may not trust them to be accurate, meaningful or even important.
2. He processes without connecting
If your husband does seem to process the information you're giving him, this is a great step. But if he doesn't go one step further and empathize with them, this can be troublesome. Empathizing is very difficult for many men. They must be fully connected to their own emotions before they can connect to yours or anyone else's. If you feel like he hears you, and he's listening, but he's not really trying to feel what you feel or see things as you sees them, you've hit another bump in the road to emotional trust.
3. He pacifies without concern
Your husband may seem as if he's empathizing with you if he tries to calm you down and give you emotional support through a tough time. But be wary of being pacified instead of truly being comforted. If he tries to get you to stop talking before your thought is finished, or before you've fully experienced your feelings, it's because he can't be bothered with your emotions right then. If he steers your storytelling in a way that gets you deep into how you feel at the bottom of the story you tell, this is a good sign; he wants to know what's really troubling you beyond the surface.
4. He agrees without consideration
If your hubby nods his head and agrees with everything you say without considering the content, he is not connecting, empathizing, or even pacifying you; he is simply ignoring you.
5. He challenges without consideration
If your husband jumps at the chance to challenge what you are saying before or just after you've finished, before time has been taken to process what he's heard, he isn't giving you the consideration you deserve. There is no way he can trust what you think or how you feel about something if he doesn't even know what that is.
How important is it that your husband trusts your feelings? How important is it that you trust your own feelings? If you are looking to your husband to give your emotions value and validation, you have already veered off path. Don't look to him for this, but do look to him for support, respect and appreciation. If you feel like your emotions are not valued in your marriage, let your husband know you need him to be there for you moving forward, and you deserve to receive just as much trust as you give.