Is your marriage lacking the amount of sex you desire? You can fix that.
Sex in marriage is not just something to do because it feels good. Intimacy and sex actually help husband and wife grow closer together as a couple and strengthen the relationship. It's an important part of a marriage and your health.
There's a lot more to having sex than just "doing it," however. For a woman to be interested in intimacy, her husband needs to do things that seemingly have NOTHING to do with sex or romance (though some romance won't hurt!).
1. Make her feel desired and wanted
A woman needs to hear that you're attracted to her, that she's beautiful and you only have eyes for her (that includes not viewing pornography or looking at or flirting with other women). She needs to know that you love her and appreciate the role she plays in your family as a mother, wife and homemaker. She needs to feel your gratitude for what she does for you and the family inside and outside of the home — whether she goes to work and then takes care of household responsibilities or is a homemaker or stay-at-home mother. Realizing and expressing how much she's needed will make an important connection in your relationship.
2. Drop the negativity
Don't like something she does? Does she have bad habits (just like you do)? Forget about them. All of them. Focus on her strengths and the things you love about her. Nothing kills intimacy faster than a negative spouse who accentuates all the bad things about his or her partner. Encourage, support, love and focus on the wonderful strengths your wife does have. She's a wonderful person — that's why you married her in the first place! Compliment her frequently and sincerely.
3. Help out around the house and with the children
Guess what? If your wife has been caring for the kids, cleaning house, cooking dinner, doing laundry and running errands all day, the LAST thing she is going to want to do with her exhausted body and mind is have sex. However, if you're willing to help clean up after dinner, bathe the kids, help with bedtime and do any other miscellaneous things that need to be done, that's more energy she can spend with you.
4. Give her some physical TLC
Think of how you might feel after being on your feet all day. On top of that, you've been helping with homework — the kind of mind-boggling stuff you once knew 20 or more years ago, but now it's foreign — and solving all sorts of kid problems. Your body and mind would be completely worn out, even weary. That's how your wife likely feels most days. Start a candlelit bubble bath for your wife and let her relax while you finish up the nighttime rituals with the kids. Or massage her feet and work your way up to her head. Giving her some feel-good relaxation can invite her willingness for intimacy and sex.
That's right, NOTHING. Not work. Not your favorite television show. Not sports. She's the most important part of your life; make sure she knows it. If she's always coming after, then so will your sex life. Prioritizing your life can make a huge difference.
6. Really listen to her and talk together
We all have good and bad days. If it's good, we want to share and have someone, particularly our spouse, be excited with us. When we've had a hard day, we similarly need to talk to our spouse, and we need him or her to sympathize, listen and comfort — not necessarily "fix" the problem. Don't underestimate the power of just listening, hugging and lending your shoulder to cry on. She needs to know you've got her back.
7. Write her old-school love letters
Love letters from her husband are something she can reread whenever she needs a boost. Putting into permanent hand-written words your mushy, lovey-dovey feelings you have for your wife is a wonderful way to express love. Tell her how much you appreciate her, how she still makes you happy and how much you love her more than anything else. Couple this with flowers, a favorite treat or a surprise of something else she loves, like a book, theater tickets, a spa gift certificate or something else that your wife enjoys.
If your sex life is lacking, it might be all the non-sex things you're not doing that are causing the problem. Take these ideas and build on them and see how your sex life, and ultimately your relationship, improves. Your marriage is worth it.
Wendy is a regular contributor for familyshare.com and does media reviews. Website: https://survivorshopeandhealing.wordpress.com/ for victims of sexual abuse. Blog: https://wendyejessen.wordpress.com Twitter: @WendyJessen