Allie had just gotten home from work and was running from room to room, looking for her dress and heels for the New Year's Eve party. Although she and her husband both planned on going to the company party that evening, Aleida soon realized she couldn't find him. Since she didn't want to be late, she decided to go to the party, hoping he came later. Hours later she received a message from Jake, her husband; "I just got home and I'm exhausted. Enjoy your evening out." Even though he had promised to be there, Jake wouldn't be coming.
This is a story repeated again and again in many marriages. At the beginning of a relationship, you wouldn't dream of breaking a promise! However, as time goes on, love seems to die. Allie starts to go to family events by herself, and Jake is hardly ever home for dinner.
Luckily for Allie and Jake, they made the choice to not let their marriage disappear. She thought about how much she loved her husband and realized the two of them were responsible for the coldness and indifference in their marriage. Determined to not let love be abandoned, Allie left the party and went home as soon as she got her husband's message. The two were able to talk things out, and made goals to have love be at the forefront of their marriage.
Why does love die?
In almost every case, love dies because the small details are forgotten. Eventually, tiny acts of service are abandoned, and gratefulness is no longer present in the relationship. It seems like a small thing, but these little actions help nourish a marriage on a day-to-day basis. Be sure to nurture your love consistently by doing these things:
Solving conflict quickly in everyday life is key to avoid major conflicts that generate resentment in your relationship. Don't let days go by without discussing an issue that is bothering you. Some couples choose to not bring up concerns to avoid an argument or to spare feelings. However, when a major problem is discussed, all these little things are going to come to the surface. Don't let unresolved issues be like fuel to a fire; choose to find resolution early on to avoid killing the love in your marriage.
There will be differences in your marriage, but that's okay! It's only a problem when there is no give and take in the relationship. Be considerate of the differences in your marriage. Allie knows that Jake is likely to be late, but chooses to leave without him. Jake might not want to go to a social event, but he should have made more of an effort to let Allie know his feelings about going before it was too late. When you act without considering how it will affect their partner, love disappears. Seek out opportunities to share your thoughts and opinions about how situations will be handled.
If a couple starts to physically distance themselves, that emotional distance is also going to increase. Don't stop the hugs and kisses, even when you don't feel like being affectionate. The longer you wait to express your love, the harder it is going to be. Tell your spouse you love them often, and show love in your actions.
Downplaying events like anniversaries or birthdays is another way for love to disappear from your relationships. Remember that marriage is a shared experience; don't let those milestones go by unnoticed. Start traditions to create a unique identity as a couple; while the both of you are two separate individuals, you must also share certain celebrations that remind you of your life together. Don't let these events slip by unnoticed.
Getting stuck in a routine can be lethal for love. Just living life day in and day out leads to boredom and apathy. Every minute doesn't need to be adventurous, but avoid falling into the monotony of married life at all costs.
This is a translation and adaptation of the original article, "Así muere el amor". It has been republished here with permission.