A few years ago, many of my co-workers were young college students. We worked long, 12-hour graveyard shifts together. We had a lot of opportunities to talk and get to know each other. One of the most common things we talked about was how difficult it was to find the right person. I, being the old married woman (to them, 29 might as well have been 40), was constantly asked the same question:
I would then listen to each describe what he or she was looking for.
"A good man, who doesn't want to go out and party every night," or "A girl that I'm not nervous to have meet my parents," or "Someone laid back, who enjoys partying and going out."
I would then hear about how they met their latest exes on their conquests to love. Usually, after hearing how they met their exes, I would have to suppress a laugh. The first two, while looking for someone to take home to Mom, met their exes at a party. And the guy who wanted a girl to go out and party with? Well, he met her at a church social.
It blew my mind that they were so confused as to why they weren't finding what they were looking for. The answer to their question seemed so obvious to me. It's mind-blowingly simple, really. So, how do you find your soul mate?
If you are doing things you don't normally do and acting like someone you aren't, solely in the name of finding love, you are never going to find who you are looking for. It also isn't fair to those you start to date. It's not his or her fault you pretended to be someone you weren't. Here are a couple situations to avoid when searching for love:
1. Posting false information on social media and dating websites
For example, don't claim to enjoy skydiving when you can't even ride the Ferris Wheel without throwing up. Guess what? You are great just the way you are. If someone doesn't click on your profile just because you don't match what he is looking for, that is a good thing. You want to find someone who loves you for you, and not for who they think you are.
2. Going to places you aren't comfortable at or doing things you normally wouldn't
If you don't enjoy going to the bar, don't go there to find someone. If you don't want to go to church every Sunday, don't tell someone you will. It's not fair to either of you.
Accept them and they will accept you. You can't change someone. If you aren't willing to change for them, accept that he or she won't change for you.
4. Changing your personality or looks to be how you think someone wants you to be
You met this really hot guy who typically goes for blue-eyed blondes — that doesn't mean you should go out and dye your hair and get colored contacts. In the long run, neither of you will be happy. I can't say it enough: You are good enough just the way you are and your "soulmate" will see that. You won't need to change a thing.
5. Expecting different results by doing the same thing
You wouldn't go to the same movie twice hoping it ends differently, would you?
If you sincerely want to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, be honest with yourself. Then, remain true to yourself. In turn, you will find someone who values you and truly wants to be with you. Don't force love. Relax and let it come to you. You are worth it and true love is worth the wait.