Heartbreak is never pleasant. No one goes into a relationship hoping it will end with hurt feelings, a broken heart, and a return to the single life; but that's sometimes the case. So, after a few weeks of tears, time for yourself, and more binge sessions of Netflix than you'd like to admit, you are recovering…right? It really does take time for you to bounce back, but sometimes even time can't heal all wounds. If you are feeling these 7 things long after the breakup, it's time to get some help.
A misanthropic and cynical view of love isn't going to get your heart ready to date again. You might not have the most optimistic feelings towards relationships after a breakup, but if it has been months, and you still can't stand to watch the end of a romantic comedy, your heart is not healing. It may take more than just you to help you to trust and love again.
2. I'm not free on Friday
Your last relationship broke your heart, but it doesn't mean that dating = terrible breakups. It'll work out despite the bumpy road. But in order for that to happen, you need to start dating again. Not immediately (no one likes a rebound), but having a little crush or enjoying yourself during a dinner date shows your heart that you can love again. If this reality seems out of your reach, it could be time for you to get some help.
3. So my last boyfriend…
Ah, the comparison game. Despite the fact that you never want to see his face again, you seem to compare any possible date to your ex. You talk yourself out of potential suitors because your last boyfriend actually played basketball, not just messed around on the court. You wouldn't want to go out with someone who was seeing how you compare to his last beau, why are you doing the same?
Sadness accompanies any level of heartbreak, but depression after a broken heart is all too common and much more serious. It's more than just feeling sad, crying some, and feeling down. You aren't yourself. You don't have any motivation to get out of bed though it's been weeks and weeks after hearing "we're through." Your favorite hobbies hold no appeal. Don't think that time will make it better, or you are just going through a phase. Get help.
Avoid the social media stalking (and in-person stalking too, for that matter). Obsessing over every post, every tag, and every tweet is going to drive you over the edge. Don't torture yourself by hopping online to see who they've been seeing or have been spending their time with. If it's been months and you still find yourself drawn to their Facebook page, it's time to move forward.
6. But, he was perfect
After a while, there's a tendency to only remember the positive, even though he actually wasn't perfect. Idealizing the relationship makes you fall deeper in love with the idea of the person, not the actual person. You are fabricating an ideal that doesn't exist, making it impossible for anyone to live up to that false standard. Remember to not dwell on the relationship too much, but avoiding the topic completely is impossible. When you do walk down memory lane, remind yourself there were things that were less than perfect.
It's difficult to see the good that's come out of this breakup…but it's there. Yes, you've got some emotional baggage, but that doesn't mean it's all bad. It's going to be hard to open up with someone new and put yourself in a vulnerable situation, but it's not impossible. A popular quote reads, "Everyone you meet comes with baggage; find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." If you can't commit to a relationship or feel like your romantic past is holding you down, it's time to get past it.
Why keep yourself from being happy? Being hung up on only being happy when you are with someone is keeping you from the chance to be completely you (and figure out exactly what that means). No one is saying it's easy to get over the hurt and betrayal of a breakup, but there are those that can help you. Whether you can do this with the help of friends, or the help of a professional doesn't matter. It's time.
Emily is putting her English and Humanities degree to use editing and writing all over the world. Trying to see all 7 world wonders (while visiting as many countries as she can in between), Emily loves wandering alleyways, beautifully photographed food, stumbling upon impromptu flea and food markets. She can usually be found camera in hand, munching on a street food and never has her headphones out of reach.