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We should never have to wonder if we are enough for our husbands. Being women, we love having something to worry about. If there is nothing to worry about we invent something. On occasion, you may wonder: Am I good enough for my husband?
The answer should be a resounding YES!
After all, he wouldn't have married you if he didn't want to. But things change as the years pass by and we realize that after gaining a few pounds or having a few kids we may not look as alluring as we did at the altar. We get comfortable in our relationships with our spouses, there's less excitement and more companionship, and it may take some work to come up with a conversation topic you haven't rehashed a hundred times before. These changes might prompt you to wonder whether the old "spark" is still there, or whether the flame of passion in your relationship has truly gone out.
Most of the time, questions about the power of your attraction or your husband's affection for you can be dismissed offhand. But what about when there are lingering doubts? What if he has seemed distant or disinterested and you aren't sure why? What if you suspect or outright know that he looks at porn or flirts with women on the street or at the office?
Whatever your reason for doubting yourself or doubting your husband, it's a good idea to test your relationship regularly to make sure you're both feeling fulfilled. Perhaps your husband doesn't realize how he's making you feel, or doesn't know that an old habit has grown into a real problem. Here are some questions that can help you test where your relationship is and whether you really are "good enough" for him.
1. What are our main relationship issues?
GuideDoc.com says, "The things that matter the most to one spouse often seem insignificant to the other... . In order to find solutions, you must first know what the problems are." Perhaps you feel inadequate because you each have different expectations out of your marriage
2. How good are we at communication?
A lack of good communication sets the stage for a lot of marital problems because of simple misunderstandings. An article on Psychcentral.com points out, "It's often the simplest bad habits that get couples into trouble. Once a marriage gets on a rough track, negativity grows. Problems escalate as both spouses repeat their mistakes again and again." Prevent repeat mistakes and soothe your nagging worries by working on your communication skills with your spouse.
3. How hard are we willing to work to stay together?
If you don't already know how committed your husband is to your relationship, it's an important conversation to have. If you don't honestly know that he is committed to you, it may be time to seek counseling to get your marriage back on track. "The most difficult part of marriage counseling is getting your partner to agree to it," says GuideDoc.com. Good counselors will help you address any feelings of inadequacy you may have, as well.
4. Are we both satisfied by our current level of intimacy?
When only one spouse feels fulfilled by the sexual intimacy level in the relationship, it may be an underlying cause of hard feelings in the marriage. Be specific but loving when talking about what you do or don't enjoy about your current intimacy level. You don't want to hurt your husband's feelings and you'd expect him to be similarly thoughtful.
5. How honest are we being with each other?
If your relationship isn't based on total honesty with each other, it's based on a rocky foundation. Be open and direct with your spouse about your worries and ask him to do the same for you. It does no good to worry silently whether he's being honest with you. Though it may scare you to do so, it's better to hear the truth than live on in ignorance.
Every marriage has its ups and downs, but if you or someone you know finds yourself with more downs than ups. Seek help. And if you've found yourself betrayed (or know someone who is), come get the help you need.
Bloom is a resource of support and education for women working to recover from betrayal and broken relationships. Get answers from experts, connect with women like you, and begin the healing process today. Click here to watch the video.