Aaah, love. When couples fall in love, there are many emotions all at once: butterflies, twitterpation, sexual anticipation, love, desire and more. And these emotions culminate during sex with your partner. During sex, the feelings of butterflies and love are amplified. In fact, your sexual expression is often the culmination of these feelings you and your partner have for each other. But over time, sexual intimacy (and the desire that leads to it) begins to wane.
You don't mean for it to wane, it just does. After wiping boogers all day, cleaning, working and getting ready to do it all over again tomorrow, you'd rather have a good nights' sleep instead of getting yourself (and your partner) in the mood. After all, there'll be better opportunities for sex, but a good nights' sleep doesn't come so easy. The problem that most couples don't realize is that when you forget to foster intimacy in your marriage, you're forgetting to foster your marriage, too.
Intimacy is vitally important to your relationship
When you neglect your sexual relationship, you're also neglecting your relationship. Your relationship outside the bedroom is too interconnected with your relationship inside the bedroom for one to thrive and the other to fizzle. They're both interlinked. So when one thrives, so does the other. And when one fizzles, the other fizzles, too.
Sexual intimacy is the only thing you share with your spouse that you don't share with anyone else. Because of that, it's the one thing that sets you and your partner apart from just being roommates. Think about it: You can't wait to come home and tell your spouse what a crummy day you had, but you can also tell your parents or a friend about that, too. And when you need help, it's sure nice to feel your spouse's support, but you can get support from friends and siblings as well.
Because intimacy is the one thing that sets you and your partner apart from just being roommates, it makes it vitally important to your marriage. That's why if you're neglecting intimacy in your relationship, you're indirectly neglecting your relationship as well. And if you're like most couples, instead of talking about why it's not happening you probably just keep quiet and hope things will change.
The secret to a happy sexual relationship is the same as the secret to a happy relationship: communication. Unfortunately, we live in a society where sex is a taboo topic. So people (even couples) don't talk about it much. But in marriage, it should be explored openly and candidly. Talk to each other about your likes and dislikes. Talk about when you're feeling in a lull. And talk about how to turn each other on, too. It's the one thing you can talk about with each other that you can't with anyone else. It's what makes you a couple.
Another important reason to talk openly about intimacy is because you're both different people. As a result, you're both going to like and prefer different things. You're both going to be attracted to different things. Don't expect your partner to just magically know you in that realm. Communicating is like giving your partner a road map of what to do, when and how. This ensures that you are not only telling each other what you like, but you are getting to know each other more deeply and intimately that only couples can.
Talking to each other about intimacy creates the kind of connection and passion that builds on each other. Talking about it fosters more intimacy and passion, which in turn leads to more talking about it. And when couples openly communicate about their sex life, it doesn't take them too long to stop any waning desire so they can get back to being a couple again. And the added bonus is that when you're feeling added passion as couple, you can express it in a way that only a couple can, too.
Aaron Anderson is a therapist and Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO. He is a writer, speaker and relationship expert. Checkout his blog for expert information on how to improve your relationship.