Ever since I was little, I was never good at being friends with the girls my age; I've always been friends with the boys. This was the case even when I grew up. In college and even through my career after school, I was friends with men rather than women.
When I married, my husband was aware of my friend situation and wasn't bothered at first. However, his opinion changed, and it became something we talked about quite often. While I don't think that it's wrong to have certain friends of the opposite sex when you are married as long as these things are being done to protect your marriage. Here are the essential rules I now follow:
Trust is crucial
The four foundations of a relationship are: love, trust, respect and communication. If any of them weaken, everything your marriage stands for starts to crumble. These four foundations are so connected that betraying one causes issues in all the other categories. That being said, your husband deserves to know the exact nature of your friendships. He should be friends with the people you are friends with. Your behavior with your friends is the same when your husband is there and when he isn't. Involving him in your friendships will let him know you trust him and that there isn't anything to hide. If your husband begins to feel insecure or jealous, cut off the friendship. A friendship isn't worth your marriage.
Respect can't be pushed aside
Here, respect means many things. It is respect for yourself, toward your partner, your friend and toward your marriage. When there is respect for all the different relationships in your life, there isn't worry that a friendship will lead to something else. Knowing your friend respects your marriage is just as important as you having respect for your husband. If this level of respect is missing in any category, discontinue the friendship.
Talk with your husband
Good communication needs to be part of any marriage, whether you have friends of the opposite sex or not. But you must maintain solid conversation with your husband if you hope to keep your marriage and keep your friends. Good communication is based on understanding, listening and having a respectful opinion on both sides of the story. Let your husband know that he is the most important aspect of your life, and if he feels threatened by other friends, he can tell you about it.
It's not unusual to hear comments about a jealous husband who suspects that these friends have an ulterior motive. How will you make your husband realize this is not true? Being open about your friendships will save you. Friendships change over time, but some things remain the same. A true friend supports you in what is right, but not in matters that are wrong. They will care for you, your husband and would never attempt to ruin that relationship you and your husband share.
Keep these friends close, but only the ones that deserve the title.