6 ways to affair-proof your marriage

You might not like all of them — but do them anyway, and see what happens...

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  • Of the many things you can do to safeguard your marriage from infidelity, these beautifully simple steps provide the greatest shield against you or your mate ever having an affair...

  • 1. Look at your spouse!

  • Look at your sweetheart every day with eyes of appreciation and adoration — and let your sweetheart see you doing that looking! It's fun to be adored, and getting noticed feels good. It is a truly happy moment when a person notices his spouse looking at him the way she did before they were married. Let those moments happen often.

  • 2. Say "thank you"

  • When your mate does something that makes you feel happy or blesses your life in even the smallest way, say "thank you." Don't let those good deeds fall by the wayside unnoticed. When you say "thank you," something magical happens. Suddenly, you both want to do more kind things for each other — and that will fortify and protect your marriage.

  • 3. Care enough to look your best

  • Keep yourself looking attractive. Make your spouse proud to be with you. Even when you are relaxed at home, you can still look good — and that doesn't mean all gussied up. You can look attractive in play or work clothes. How do you do that? Keep your clothes tidy and cute. No need to look like a tramp just because you're cleaning or doing a myriad of things around the yard. Don't get bent out of shape over this. You can still wear grubbies. Just don't wear trashy looking grubbies. And when you go out on a date, put on some dressy duds. As a couple, have fun looking your best for each other. Your mate will appreciate it.

  • 4. BE HAPPY

  • A grumpy spouse is no fun. Of course, there are times when you'll feel sad or physically and emotionally drained. But that doesn't mean you have to be crabby. You know it's no fun to hang around people like that, and the same goes for marriage. It's been rightfully said that happiness is a choice. So choose it. Be happy. A happy spouse is an indicator of a happy marriage. One way to help happiness happen is to look at the positives in your spouse. Focus more on those and less on the woes. It will diminish your problems.

  • 5. Never engage in internet conversations with former girlfriends or boyfriends

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  • You may think it's just innocent fun, but too many have found this to be the gateway to an affair. A woman married 10 years told of how a former boyfriend from high school tried contacting her on Facebook. She said, "It sounded kind of fun for a few seconds, but then, in my heart, I knew it would come to no good." She deleted his message, did not friend him, and never heard from him again. Always protect yourself from the potential of being unfaithful to your mate.

  • 6. Talk to your sweetheart about how you can both protect your marriage from an affair

  • Talk about it openly, and make a plan. Discuss your limits at work regarding going to lunch alone with coworkers of the opposite sex. That's dangerous territory, and going as a group is much safer. Discuss what it means to flirt with someone else. This form of betrayal can lead to unhappy endings. Talk about any other things that concern you, and openly address issues that arise. Talk together about what to do in different situations — before they ever happen. This will do wonders in preventing infidelity. Make a plan. Then live the plan.

  • If you ever get the idea that a simple affair won't hurt, please consider this message we received from a woman who crossed the line. She shared that even though she loved her husband and children, she'd made a terrible mistake. "I feel dirty, sad, numbed and confused. I have always promised myself to be faithful to my hubby and I have betrayed that trust. I'm afraid I will lose my husband. Help!"

  • To our readers, we say, "Be your own best help, and never ever let this happen to you. Be faithful to your spouse — no matter what. Having an affair is never worth the regret and sorrow."

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Gary Lundberg is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Joy is a writer. Together they author books on relationships.

Website: http://garyjoylundberg.com

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